I had a brother, Jon. He was a good Marine, a good father and an even better brother. He passed away some 12 years ago now. And, trust me, I still miss him each day. There is not the pain of it, but the memories are strong. I have another brother, one provided by the Eternal. Nope, not a “blood brother” but a good friend who became as a brother to me. Thanks Clay, for being there when I needed it so badly. It’s what brothers do, be there for each other.
Clay is a Presbyterian Buddhist. I know, crazy right? Until you realize that Buddhism is not a religion but a philosophy. Now not so crazy. Clay and I understand each other, I keep telling him Buddha was a contemplative and so was Jesus. He gets that now and it all seems to fit for the two of us. More than once in the past several years, one or the other of us has been in crisis and heard the other brother say, “light your candle and follow your path”. A good Buddhist saying, but also one I have discovered that the Psalms reiterate.
I spent a large part of younger years knowing I had to find that one path the Eternal had for me, usually called the “will of God” at church. It is hard to do, because life, ego, and just plain frustration get in the way. I thought it was my problem, something wrong with me, which fit with my lifelong tape of never being “good enough”. I have learned that I was wrong, or that the preachers I heard were wrong. God does not have one path for you or me. I know, now you don’t want to read this anymore, but go with me a bit further.
One way to live is always looking for God’s will, that right path. But that is so impossible and it is not scriptural. Psalms says it nicely when the writer asks the Eternal to shine light brightly on my path (Ps. 27). Once I learned that any path I am on is okay, if it is illuminated by the Eternal, I started to be much happier and, I believe, much healthier spiritually. If whatever path I am on, I view it from the worldview of the Eternal, I can find blessings everywhere.
Rohr speaks of these things in his book, Falling Upward. That the first part of life is about rules, about character development in the spiritual life. He also says that most people stay there. It is a tough path, to be bound only by rules. But the second half of the spiritual life is about love. As a lay monastic, I am part of a monastery that is referred to as a “school of love”. And so it is as a mystic that all that matters is that love of and from the Eternal. I never expected to be on my path as it is today. I had other ideas and was so sure……then I learned to light my candle and, well, wow. My path these days is full of light, full of love and full of joy.
But it was scary to let go of old ways of believing, things that were pressed into me over time. Merton called it “falling into the abyss” of the Eternal’s love. I call it taking up my cross daily. Each day, I begin by saying to the Eternal, not what I want but what You want. And that has made all the difference. Now, whatever happens on my path (that I choose) I look only for that light that illuminates perfectly. Turns out my brother Clay was right, “just light your candle”. I choose to light that candle with the Love of the Eternal, Creator of all. Turns out there is scripture for that, this fellow Jesus, who was and is the Light of the world, “…and the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot understand it”.
Do want to be free? Then stop looking for the perfect path, light up your candle, and enjoy the path you are on. If you will but see it the way the Eternal sees it, I promise you will see so very much. More, actually, than you could have imagined.
TMM