A million years ago, when I was a teenager, there was a song that started with, “day by day” and went on to list the things relating to God, to love, follow, and see God more clearly. As a teenager, that is really hard to understand, the notion of living day by day. When I was young, I wanted to think of the future, to get somewhere, to be someone. And I guess that is pretty normal for the young.
Then, I began to grow up, have a career and that desire for more became a way of life. That, too, is normal in our world and culture: to become someone that is respected and important and meaningful. But, that is not what we are called to if we follow the Eternal. It is a trap we all fall into sooner or later. We want to be meaningful in the world, to make a difference, to earn a little respect. All of these because we most likely feel like we don’t matter and we don’t respect ourselves.
I should know, I have lived that road. It is a dangerous road, one that is hard to walk away from. The story of Lot is not about sex, never has been. It is a story about power and control and giving up one’s ego. The messengers that came to him were the very presences of God. The men of the city did not like the idea that this outsider had power they did not, had more power and favor than they did. They wanted to take that power away and degrade it to nothing (that is the reason they wanted to have sex with the messengers, like all sexual assault, it is about degradation and control, not sex). Lot was so attached to his little bit of glory, the messengers at his house, that he would offer up his own daughters rather than give up power and control. And even after that, it says Lot procrastinated from leaving Sodom. He just could not give up the old ways and neither could his wife.
I am Lot. And if you are honest, so are you. We cling to the little bit of power, control and self-esteem that we think we have, so tightly that we ignore the Messenger of the Eternal. We play the “just one more” game with the Eternal. Like those around Jesus, we want just one more sign that all this is real. We are all a mess, you do know that by now right? But we are deeply and eternally loved messes! The manna from heaven was never ending, but it was only enough for a day.
So, it really is scriptural, this “day by day” business. It is also so much more than we can imagine. It is terrifying to let go. Faith tells us that letting go is going to be okay but still we are afraid. Not so long ago, I was clinging to my own Sodom, knowing I needed to go, but terrified of where I was headed if I did. A trusted friend challenged me, challenged my professed faith, and challenged me with my own words, given to him in similar circumstances. I did let go and it hurt to do it and it was terrifying. I was sure I had lost it all, like Job. And, like Lot’s wife, I did a lot of “looking back”, even knowing where I was going was the right path.
So, on this day when the Irish celebrate the feast of St. Brigid, that day when the first hint that Spring might actually come (Imbolc to my other friends), let’s have a little faith that if we will let go of having to control our own lives the Eternal will catch us, hold us up, and lead us in new ways that we cannot imagine.
TMM