I am sure no one else is like me, a perfectionist. I have no illusions that I am perfect but there will always be that part of me that hears that childhood “you have to be better” phrase and wants no, needs, perfection. If you are like me then you understand how challenging this can be.
I have been a therapist and a teacher for a long time and I have never, ever be demanded perfection from clients or students. At home, my daughter was held to the standard of “if you tell me you have done your best, then that is good enough”. It is the same for my students, I just want the best they can do, the grades take care of themselves at that point.
So, why is it so hard to give myself permission to be imperfect? I don’t ask it of others, I believe grace abounds and that we are loved by God, just the way we are. If you are like me (and trust me some part of you is) then you know that those interior voices, those “tapes” that go off in our heads are hard not to listen to. Our families, life experiences and our culture are those voices. I don’t hear it much anymore but women used to say, “you can never be too rich or too thin”. So, if you are like me and not rich and certainly not thin, how do we measure up to the standards of society.
The answer is, we do not have to live up to those standards. We do not have to live up to our perceptions of what our parents wanted us to be and we do not have to live up to the expectations of others in our lives. I continue to work on turning off the “tapes” and remembering that I am fine just as I am. The key is humility, to understand who we are and whose we are. If I acknowledge my gifts and my shortcomings and that I have been endowed with those gifts by the Creator, then I can let go of being perfect. Instead, I can let go of perfectionism and open the door t satisfaction with a job done to the best of my abilities.
This is not easy. If it was, I would have been happier many years ago. But, it can happen for me and for you. Scripture says that God delights in us. It does not say we have to earn that delight, it comes for us as we are. So, let’s let go of have to and should and rest in whatever it is we have done, it is good enough.
TMM