Why

In the social work profession, students are taught never to ask a client “why”. It is a hard habit to get out of isn’t it? We start about the time we can talk to say “why”. At two, it is repetitive and parents quickly grow weary of answering the question. The worst persons to ask this of are teenagers. Their standard response is, “I don’t know”. And, they probably don’t, to be honest. Teenagers operate on mostly emotion without thinking about it or reasoning out a response.

The truth is, we are all very bad about asking why. We do it to ourselves when we say, “why did I do that”. We especially do it when something bad happens. It quickly comes out, “why me”. You know it is true, I do too because of how many times I have asked that. My question to us all is, have we ever gotten a satisfactory answer to why me?

I know the answers offered: God has a plan; trust God’s wisdom; we don’t see as God does; and, God’s ways are not man’s ways. These are all lousy answers and simply untrue. Additionally, these are poor theology. There is but one answer to “why” when bad things happen and that is: That’s life. And, we hate that answer because when we get it, we have no one to blame for our misfortune or our loss or our pain.

The truth is,”why“is and always has been the wrong question. Instead, our question should be “what now”? When I have tried to give comfort to those who have experienced loss, I forego the need for answers to why. I am simply present with them at thatmoment and help them consider, what now? I have been through this several times. I lost my whole immediate family in a 14 month period. There is not now nor has there ever been a satisfactory answer to “why”. You can cite ill health, cancer, and more but that doesn’t really answer why now, why this way, etc.

We need to learn to live with “I don’t know” or “I am not sure”. Most of us hate that, we live in a world dominated by rationality, reasons and the demand for answers. This is how we are enculturated, but this is unrealistic. The world we live in and the lives we are given are part of a greater whole. Life flows and sometimes is has speed bumps or mountains or chasms. The question when these happen is, “what now?” And the one promise we can cling to is no matter what answer to that question we choose, we will never go through it alone. We are and always have been One with the Creator of all.

TMM