I wonder about a lot of things, don’t you? I tried to decide, had we won the billion dollar powerball, where I would spend all that money. My college, my church, my family, a few friends, life would be good for us all. Alas, not one number was right. But, I still wonder about my students, my teaching, my life, my future. I think this is normal and natural.
A version of wondering is “what if” games. These are the games we play out of fear, pain, hurt, or longing: what if I had gotten in that car that wrecked? What if I had married someone else? What if I had just done what my mother told me to do (or father or priest or…….)? What would have happened then? And these are the questions that cause us to be filled with guilt and remorse.
I believe these sorts of “wonderings” (the what if kind) are very destructive and actually trap us in our guilt and remorse. And, I must say, I have heard a great deal of this type of demand to wonder from pulpits
I know better now. I know that there is no one certain and sure path for any life. Instead, our calling to know the will of God is to realize that the will of God is simple in the understanding: love God, love your neighbor, love yourself. It is the love of God that is God’s will for you and me. Not the have to, not the should have, not even the if only. No, seeking God’s will for my life means to seek those places where I can love more, care more, touch more, and be that example of what love means. So, I know that if I had married differently years ago, there would still be a wonderful woman who is just about the best minister I know. My daughter would exist, because a soul like that is needed by God in this old world.
As a mystic, I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that things happen and that the spiritual life is about making sense out of whatever might come our way. Buddha was right, whatever path you are on, light your candle and follow it. For a mystic, that candle is the Light of the World.
TMM