A lot of folks see that word, “relationship” and are uncomfortable. It is usually because they have failed relationships that come to mind. We have all had them and each has its own pain. It can be romantic, friendly, familial, or work-related. Whichever one it is, our first thought flies to the pain of one of those ending or in the case of family, the realization of old business.
I have had them as well. Getting fired has been my least favorite way to end a relationship. Having to be the one to do the firing has also not been a favorite. The termination of any relationship is messy. The worst ones are when we have to take responsibility for our part of the relationship. Looking into that mirror is very personal and what we see is often not pretty.
I think that is why we have our eyes on our smartphones, tablets, and computers and why social media is so popular. We do not have to be “in a relationship” with anyone. It is amazing what people we say in an email, tweet, or text that they would never have the courage to say face to face. It is also why we do not hand write letters anymore. Putting things on paper is very personal. I have journals, many journals, on my shelves and they are full of the very personal things of my life. Writing them out is healing, frightening, cathartic and self-assuring.
I think this is why contemplation and monasticism are not so popular. At the Abbey where I go, there is silence and worship and long walks that all push me to take a good look at myself. The monks at any abbey do not just join the order. They spend the first year living the life, being a novice. Then the decision to stay comes about. You cannot go to an abbey to run away from yourself or life. At the Abbey, you have no choice but to look at yourself and your relationship with God.
These things can be painful to experience. We see ourselves as we really are: filled with ego, hurt, anger, pain, and fear. And the only “balm” for these pains is grace. Our unmerited favor with God. We can only work through these things in the relationship we have with the Divine. It is only in God’s gaze upon us that we can find peace. It is only in relationship with God that we can know God and ourselves.
Richard Rohr noted recently that all the world is held together by relationships. That dynamic tension between things. Things like atoms, molecules, animals, and humans are all in a dynamic tension with each other and the environment, In Colossians, it says that Christ holds all things together. Our relationship to God and God to us literally holds the universe together. Maybe we each should work on our relationships.
TMM