I have started over a few times in life at jobs. Well, okay after all of these years I have started over more than a few times. Sometimes by choice and sometimes out of necessity. In reading this morning, I was struck by words from St. Augustine when he addresses “learning to love a new life.” It suddenly overwhelmed me with relief to think that I have to learn to love a new life, even if it is a really good life.
I started my spiritual life as a Southern Baptist. I left that denomination because it became too rigid and political for my taste. The leftovers of that beginning have to do with some really bad theology, like God has one true plan for your life and you must find it. Along with that is the idea that if you miss that plan, if you don’t do exactly what God has planned for your life, you are a sinner and must repent. As you can imagine, that is a lot of potential and real guilt to deal with and I have endured my share, even to this very day.
So, my life has been through some tough changes and not all that long ago, I assumed it was all my fault for those problems and those changes were due to my sinfulness and lack of awareness of God’s will for my life. I know better than that now because as a contemplative/mystic I finally realized that God’s will for my life is to love God. That this wonderful Creator of all gave me free will and choices. I don’t always make the rights ones but when I err, I am already forgiven. So Augustine’s words spoke to me in a wonderful way.
I can see that this wonderful life I have personally and professionally is still something I must learn to love. It is not automatic and that is what I am freeing myself from, that notion that I must find God’s perfect will or else. I am free and now know that Buddha was right, whatever path you are on, light your candle and follow it.
TMM