It was a long time ago, but I was once a little boy. I was cute, blond headed, and innocent. I was without care, just loved to run and play and read. Did I mention I was without care? That is what I see when I look at a grandson playing in the living room. At 7 months, he is standing, crawling, getting into everything. And, without care. Just living life as it comes each day.
I long for those days. I wish I knew less about a very difficult world. In the past week to ten days, more African Americans have died at the hands of police and more police died at the hands of a sniper. No, this is not a political or social commentary, that is reserved for my college classes. No, this is about little boys. You see, the people who did these “bad” things were little boys once. Like my grandson, the were without care and just loved to play.
What changed all of that? For each of us it comes down to the family we grow up in and the things that life sends our way. I believe that the Christian life calls us to come, “as little children”, to view life anew. To paraphrase Enzo Bianchi, to be a contemplative is to seek and see the Eternal everywhere. To be “an expert at finding God”. When we grow up, it becomes a choice, to see like a child.
I wish I could unsee and unhear so many things. Listening to the hurts and pains of people for the last 39 years has not made it easy to do so. I am a healer of sorts and to do that, I have to let others tell it all, without judgement of the story. And, I have seen the worst poverty in India, South Africa, Texas and seen the worst that we can do to each other, murder, rape, hatred. It has taken a toll, but it has also helped me to come full circle.
I cannot unsee or unhear. But that fuels my choice to return to innocence. Christ said “suffer the little children to come to me”. I choose to be that little boy, to come back to him as a child, trusting that He knows best. The hurt of my life is safe with Him. Love can heal much and if you look for it, you can find that healing and love in the midst of pain.
In the face of deep poverty in India, I met some of the most innocent and caring people ever. They welcomed me into their homes, offered me food from their meager supply. In the faces of some clients, I have seen that moment of relief and insight that told me they would make it. In each of these moments, it was childlike, it was innocent. And that is what we are called to, to come home to Abba, to Daddy (or Mommy) and just sit and be……innocent and care free again.
I believe that is heaven.
TMM