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Okay, I made up a new word. Dadship: that awesome responsibility that leads to joy, hurt, fear, hope and amazement. I am unashamedly a dad. I have been for just shy of 30 years. It has been amazing and worrisome and joyous and terrifying. My daughter is a brown eyed beauty who stole my heart the day she was born. They gave me to her, wrapped up and I held her and she looked up into my eyes…….and, well that was it. And to this day, she knows that all she has to do now is look at me with those eyes and I will melt.

And I am twice lucky, because I have another daughter, one that I came to late in my life. She asked me if I would be the dad she never had and even asked my first daughter if it was okay to share me. Now, that is almost as amazing as the birth of my first. I mean, I truly am nobody special. At least I didn’t think so until I was chosen to be a dad. Both daughters are highly educated professionals in their fields. Both have so much to give to the world. And I get to be a part of that, not by demand but because they both include me.

I wonder if the Eternal looks at each of us just like that? When we look into that Sacred Face of love, does the Eternal do like I am doing now and get teary eyed and exude overwhelming love and joy at my very existence? I believe that is exactly what happens. The Eternal creator of all looks into my heart and sees so much that I have to give, so many times I have missed the boat, so many times that I got it right, and so many times that I just couldn’t go on alone. And every moment, the Eternal does not leave me, doesn’t forget me, and is always faithful in that love.

Dadship is a powerful responsibility and utter joy. The Dad to us all sees us with eyes of utter joy. And, you know what, this Dad is totally blind. Totally blind to all of our short-comings. Totally blind to our errors. I see my daughters as total joy and the hope for this world. I too am blind to their short-comings and errors. Do I think they are perfect? Uh, no! I love them both, but perfect they are not and I DON’T CARE! One won my heart at birth, one by asking me to be her dad, so I don’t care what they are not on any given day.

The Eternal is a far better parent than I will ever be. So maybe I need to remember that I won the heart of the Eternal the moment I was born. Maybe it would be okay if I saw me, through Eternal eyes. Is it okay if I rejoice in me? It does say to love our neighbor like we love ourselves. I need to love myself more, the way the Eternal does…… or I have nothing to give my neighbor.

TMM

I never watched the show Friends, but my wife did and loved it. When she talks about that show, there is always a funny story, a memorable moment that came up. I know enough about the show to know that the name was appropriate because true friends, despite any differences, are always there for each other and enjoy deep fellowship and a sense of belonging. My daughter has a group of friends from high school that are a little like that, though they live in diverse places. They get together sometimes but often use facebook to keep up.

I have rarely had that in my life. All the way through college, I never had a group like that. In my twenties and thirties it never happened either. I have had a few groups that were at work and one that was at church, but never a group of friends that just hung out together. I think that is why Friends was a beloved show, it presented an ideal we all want, but rarely ever get in real life. Of course that is true, TV is not real life.

So what are we to do, us non-tv mortals? Well, I know that is what our spiritual community is supposed to be for us, that group of fellow travelers that walk the path with us. I wonder what would happen to us all if we treated church/spiritual family the way Friends played out their friendships? I am betting church would be full, it would be fun and it would be deep. And that gets me to thinking: if it isn’t that way, whose fault is it?

I think I need to be a better friend to those I go to church with and travel this path of life with. It is hard, at first, to be new and get involved, I want to be appreciated and accepted and fit in. Whew, who doesn’t? But time has to unfold and I must be available to those moments when I can find a good fit. But always, I have to be open for those moments,  I have to be patient and wait for those times to happen when I can step in and fit in. I must live aware.

And isn’t that the same with our Dearest Friend? The Eternal wants to be our bestest friend, (as my daughter has said to me) wants us to be aware and open and ready to fit in with that blessed love. To do that, I have to live aware of the moment. Did I just basically say that I need to be the Eternal’s best friend? Is that outlandish to you? We expect the Eternal to always come to us in love and that will always be true. But, get ready, why am I not being the Eternal’s best friend? Hmmm, I think today I will try to be the Eternal’s “bestie”!

TMM

“That’s a real eye-opener”. We have all heard that phrase, right? And I will bet we have all had our “eyes opened” about something a few times in our lives. It might have been a person you thought you knew, who then suddenly acts in ways that open your eyes to their true nature. It might be that you have walked or driven some place a dozen times and suddenly, the sun is just right, the breeze just perfect and your eyes are opened to the true beauty of that place.

In my life, I must confess, I have missed some of those moments because I was not paying attention.  I have missed some because I did not want to see and a few others because I was not ready to see. Timing does seem to matter. That moment when we see? That is an epiphany, a serendipitous moment. It happened to Thomas Merton, years ago in downtown Louisville, Kentucky. The corner of 4th and Walnut, there is a plaque there now. I stood there a year or two ago, thinking of Merton seeing all those people on the street as if they were shining lights. He saw with eyes given to him by the Eternal, that all of us are filled with the Light of the Eternal. In that moment, the scriptures he had read came to life.

So what opens our eyes for the first time, to things we see all the time? I think that we have to get past ourselves. We have to get past our worries and our fears and our rigid beliefs about our world, our lives and the Eternal. Most of all we have to get past our concrete, literalist thinking. Rohr refers to this as the second half of the spiritual life, when we begin to see the meaning through the eyes of the Eternal. I have seen so many church people hurt by literalism, by concrete thinking. I think this is what saddened Jesus the most when he spoke to all who would listen. They could not get past the rigid laws and thoughts of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

That is why the miracles He did are so telling. He heals a blind man and the church elders demand to know how it was done. Was it by the law? They did not like the answer, it did not fit in their literalist box. The former blind man said he didn’t know how it was done: he was blind, now he sees. That describes all of us you know?

Scripture says no one comes to the Eternal unless the Eternal draws them there and then opens their eyes. Now that is comforting, the Eternal is not a secret, not a mystery, but wants to know us and even goes out of the way to get our attention. A phrase describes how we are before the Eternal gets hold of us: eyes wide shut! Trust me I have been there, lived it, have scar tissue from it. Eyes wide shut, how many times have I looked but not seen? How many times for you?

The mystic part is not that we have to seek the Eternal or the will of the Eternal. No, the mystery is why in the world the Eternal seeks us? That is a nutshell explanation of Christian mysticism: The Eternal creator of all seeks each and every one of us, for all time, to be in love with us and us with the Eternal. That is the meaning of “be still and know that I am God”.

For me, being a mystic is being eternally grateful and in awe of this one tiny truth. The Eternal knew me from the first moment, knows me at my worst, knows how foolish I can be and still, and still calls me, walks with me, carries me and wants to be with me now and always. It don’t get more mystical than that!

TMM

Frederick Buechner wrote a book called The Longing for Home. It is a wonderful book, easy to read and filled, as are all of his books, with subtle wisdom we can take with us everywhere. Toward the end of the book, Bueckner talks of the safety and comfort of our home and of those who do not have that comfort. It is unsettling to say the least. I have been to South Africa, to India, to Mexico and I have seen abject poverty and people with no home or place to go. I have seen it on many streets and in many cities here in the U.S.

When I say the Model Prayer (the Our Father for my Catholic friends) I take the liberty of changing a few things. Hey, it’s a model not a blue print. I thank God that the Kingdom has already come and then I ask that I be able to do His will the same way it is done in heaven. I do the same when I pray about trespasses, that I can forgive exactly the way I am forgiven. When it comes to bread, I thank God for my daily bread and I ask that I never, ever forget those who have no bread.

Bueckner goes on to point out that we pray for the hungry, which is a start. We should try to feed them or make sure they are fed, as often as possible. But then he moves from, as they say in the South, ‘Preachin’ to meddlin”. That is when he reminds us that we are all hungry and want to be fed. We all have a hunger to be loved, to be noticed, to have more faith, or if you are me, a hunger to belong. I am so hungry sometimes and yet don’t even realize it. Hungry for my students to learn and be successful. Hungry for my family to be happy and safe and healthy. Hungry to be accepted by a new church. Hungry to make a difference in this world.

I think that is the true meaning of the Our Father. When I get to the daily bread part, what I am really asking is for the Eternal to satisfy all of those hungers in my life.  An old hymn says, “Bread of Heaven feed me till I want no more” and that is what I want. But Bueckner doesn’t stop yet and we shouldn’t either. He goes on to point out that we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. It is only when we feed them that we are truly fed ourselves.

If our longings are to be met, we need to feed others. Yes, with a loaf or canned goods if that is needed, but also their hunger to be accepted, loved, appreciated and to matter in this world. When they are full, we will be full and our deepest longings will be satisfied.

TMM

 

I always wanted to belong. I rarely ever did though. I was a terribly shy and self-conscious kid, all the way to college. I belonged when I was on the baseball field or football field, but even then I never experienced that deep comradery that comes to some teams. I think that is what we are supposed to feel in our spiritual family and I have had that once or twice.

Today is the celebration of the Presentation of Jesus at the Temple. It is an interesting story with prophecy, blessings, and amazement all involved. We all know Jesus was special, we get that, so if we are not careful, we read this story and think: “okay, Jesus was special, it was a great day” and little more. We do not find ourselves in the story. All good bible study involves finding ourselves in the story we are reading. It is what makes the stories come alive. It is easy to do when we talk about the Nativity. I am usually the third camel to the right…… Wait for it…..okay a little giggle helps. But seriously, it is an easy story  to find ourselves in. So is the crucifixion, though infinitely more painful.

But this story? This Jewish ritual? How in the world can we make much of this little story and ritual, it is all about Jesus after all. NO, it is not and in fact may be the most important story to find ourselves in within the whole New Testament. You see, the words of that story indicate that Jesus was presented to demonstrate that every child is holy to the Eternal. We find ourselves in the story when we realize that we now and always have belonged to the Eternal. It is clear to me that every being on the planet belongs to the Eternal, we are all created in the image of the Eternal. Forget our difference, Jesus sure did, and embrace how we are all God’s Children and this story says it all. From our birth we belong to the Eternal.

What is more, Simeon then takes him in his arms and tells of all of the possibilities in that child. That he will change things, make the world a different and better place. That he will save the world. Whether it is a baptism or dedication, depending on your beliefs and experience in church, the moment is the same: that child (and every person who has been a child) belongs to the Eternal and has within, every possibility of hope and salvation.

Does what I wrote sound far fetched. Scripture says, Christ in you, the hope of glory. At the monastery, we talk often of being reminded of our baptism. In Catholicism, infants are baptized to show this very ceremony, that every child is holy and set apart and belongs to the Eternal. Later, for them and others, Confirmation is that moment when the child becomes responsible for that knowledge of belonging to God. So, how would it be if we lived in a world where every person we encountered was seen as dedicated to the Eternal?

Would we be more patient with folks? Would we stop seeing race, gender, age, disabilities? Would we be ashamed when we treated the “least of His children” poorly? That is where I find myself in the story, dedicated wholly to the Eternal. It was not my choice, it was and is my birthright. It is just who I am. Now, if I can just live it out.

TMM

A million years ago, when I was a teenager, there was a song that started with, “day by day” and went on to list the things relating to God, to love, follow, and see God more clearly. As a teenager, that is really hard to understand, the notion of living day by day. When I was young, I wanted to think of the future, to get somewhere, to be someone. And I guess that is pretty normal for the young.

Then, I began to grow up, have a career and that desire for more became a way of life. That, too, is normal in our world and culture: to become someone that is respected and important and meaningful. But, that is not what we are called to if we follow the Eternal. It is a trap we all fall into sooner or later. We want to be meaningful in the world, to make a difference, to earn a little respect. All of these because we most likely feel like we don’t matter and we don’t respect ourselves.

I should know, I have lived that road. It is a dangerous road, one that is hard to walk away from. The story of Lot is not about sex, never has been. It is a story about power and control and giving up one’s ego. The messengers that came to him were the very presences of God. The men of the city did not like the idea that this outsider had power they did not, had more power and favor than they did. They wanted to take that power away and degrade it to nothing (that is the reason they wanted to have sex with the messengers, like all sexual assault,  it is about degradation and control, not sex). Lot was so attached to his little bit of glory, the messengers at his house, that he would offer up his own daughters rather than give up power and control. And even after that, it says Lot procrastinated from leaving Sodom. He just could not give up the old ways and neither could his wife.

I am Lot. And if you are honest, so are you. We cling to the little bit of power, control and self-esteem that we think we have, so tightly that we ignore the Messenger of the Eternal. We play the “just one more” game with the Eternal. Like those around Jesus, we want just one more sign that all this is real. We are all a mess, you do know that by now right? But we are deeply and eternally loved messes! The manna from heaven was never ending, but it was only enough for a day.

So, it really is scriptural, this “day by day” business. It is also so much more than we can imagine. It is terrifying to let go. Faith tells us that letting go is going to be okay but still we are afraid. Not so long ago, I was clinging to my own Sodom, knowing I needed to go, but terrified of where I was headed if I did. A trusted friend challenged me, challenged my professed faith, and challenged me with my own words, given to him in similar circumstances. I did let go and it hurt to do it and it was terrifying. I was sure I had lost it all, like Job. And, like Lot’s wife, I did a lot of “looking back”, even knowing where I was going was the right path.

So, on this day when the Irish celebrate the feast of St. Brigid, that day when the first hint that Spring might actually come (Imbolc to my other friends), let’s have a little faith that if we will let go of having to control our own lives the Eternal will catch us, hold us up, and lead us in new ways that we cannot imagine.

TMM

I have hurry sickness. We all have it. It is that inability to stop. To wait. To be still. It is the “gift” of our society. I have had the honor of going to France and training with the grandmaster of my martial art style. I love France, the country side (Southern France), the people and most of all, the pace of life. They just don’t seem to hurry. Lunch is at least a 2 hour affair. Meals are a mini-celebration, a social event. The French find fast food places, like McDonald’s (yes, they have those) to be a novelty, but even there, people come and take your order at a table.

Why do we eat in the car? Where is it we are in such a hurry to get to? And, what would happen if we were late, or didn’t go at all? Would the world end? I read a great deal, both personal and professional readings. Lately, it seems that all of the spiritual reading I do is about being in the moment, paying attention to the here and now and living mindfully.

The wonderful writer and minister, Frederick Bueckner tells of a drive he was on to a speaking engagement, when suddenly he noticed the trees were waving at him. Now, before you worry about this now 89 year old, blessed minister and writer, think about the notion. He writes about suddenly noticing that the living Eternal was present in all that he was seeing in the world as he drove the car.  I have had moments like that. I used to drive 45 minutes to work through the beautiful pine forest of Deep East Texas and there were days when I felt the overwhelming presence of the Eternal, alive and vibrating in that forest. I have felt it on long walks at my beloved Abbey of Gethsemani in the knobs of Kentucky.

The Eternal will not let me go on this point. It keeps coming up, to be and live mindfully. To take a lesson from trees and French friends: this moment is full of possibility, be absorbed in it. Give yourself to it. Let it overwhelm you and surround you. Bueckner makes a great point: all that we see is the Kingdom Jesus kept talking about. We are called to be mindful of that kingdom. We are  called to seek that kingdom, to be still and “know that I am God”.

It comes home to me when I realize that I am the kingdom. That what we seek the most, to live in the kingdom of God, as the model prayer speaks of it, we have but to turn inward. What we seek the most, the Beloved, is in us. To find the kingdom of God is truly to turn inside, where the Beloved indwells us. Come on, you already knew that! You have those moments where you are filled to bursting with a fierce love of God. Imagine if we each lived mindfully of the Beloved in us, in all living things around us.

Come on, you know you want to: slow down, drink in all that is the Eternal, the deep lover of your soul. Practice the presence. Wash dishes to the joy of the Eternal. Work, garden, eat your meal, drink your coffee, drive your car, all in the total awareness of the moment. Oh my, what would each day be like? We would all live longer, happier and healthier lives. We would most certainly slow down and we would KNOW.

TMM

As a college professor, I teach courses about community and organizations. It is interesting to watch young college students as they begin to understand the structure of community. They have lived in a community, well multiple communities really, all their lives without understanding or even considering what that means. As they develop their knowledge, they begin to understand their responsibilities and roles within the community. In our case, the college community they live in 9 months out of the year.

And, like all college students, mostly they complain about their community and expect the faculty, staff and administration to fix it. They don’t get off that easy with me because I point out that if they don’t like their community, they are responsible for changing it. That really bugs them and they are not alone, it seems to bother everyone living in community. Don’t you believe me? Well then look at the current political campaigns, where citizens look to the politicians to make their world better.

The same is true in religious/spiritual communities. We go to church and expect that pastor (or sunday school teacher) to teach us, tell us what is right and wrong, and give direction to our lives. When we do that we abdicate our responsibility. In the book of Hebrews, we are called to “gather as community” and to “inspire each other to greater love and righteousness” (The Voice). Imagine if we all went to church with that goal in mind. Ask not what your church can do for you but what you can do for your church, to steal a bit from JFK. That is our responsibility as members of a spiritual community.

And, in these politically charged days, imagine what would happen if we took that same responsibility for our town, state, and nation. To inspire our communities to Love and Righteousness. Wouldn’t that be an interesting place to live? Gandhi said to “be the change you wish to see in the world”.  Simple words to read, complex words to live by.

My wife and I are new members of a church. Being in community is important to us and makes our lives complete. As we become part of this community, it is important that we keep our responsibilities in mind. That we go to church to inspire others to love and acts of charity. That we be the kind of community members that give first to the spiritual community. This is important to me, my daughter is a minister and she experiences first hand how people really act in church. They expect their pastor to give all and do all, while they sit back and take. Most of the work in church is done by a handful of people. Isn’t that sad?

So, I resolve to be what I am called to be in my communities. An inspiration to love and doing good deeds. At home, at the college, at church and in my online spiritual community. Please do your pastor (and my daughter) a favor: be the change you want to see at your church. Trust me, you will receive far more than you can imagine.

 

TMM

I love surprises. I never wanted to peek at Christmas. My brother, however, always wanted to. My daughter is like her uncle, she doesn’t much like surprises either and I know that she knew every hiding place for presents in the house. My mother liked surprises too and I guess that is where I get it from.

It seems that we are called to be surprised if we are called to be followers of the Eternal. Surprised by the beauty of a sunrise, a sunset, how beautiful our significant other is, on their worst day! But that means we have to pay attention, it means we have to look for the beauty. Patricia Lunetta writes a poem about the end of the day, about seeing a blue heron and taking the time to watch the great bird. She ends the poem with this:

“Stay awake, Holiness may spread its wings for you at any moment.”

I read those words and think, “how many times have I slept through Holiness?” How much have I missed by letting the day rule me instead of me ruling my days? Would the world really end if I took a few minutes to enjoy, to be surprised? And what if I turned my phone off, would anything so terribly important happen? I need to wake up and stay awake longer.

Surprises are all around us but we have to look for them. We have to believe in them. We have to hope for them. I have been surprised by the kindness of people I met in India. Their hospitality is amazing, even the poorest of people practice hospitality. I have been surprised by the resiliency of  people who have been through so much and still can find joy, like the terribly poor children of Alexander Township in South Africa, playing and laughing in abject poverty.

I am making a pact with myself, to watch for the Eternal, for Holiness as often as possible and then a little more.  I am reminded of the New Testament story of the bridesmaids. Half prepared for a longer wait, half did not. The ones who were prepared with enough oil for their lamps were surprised by the joy of meeting the bridegroom and being part of the wedding. That parable was about looking for, no, planning for being surprised.

So, I think I am going to keep enough oil on hand so that when the surprises come, I can light my lamp and see the surprise. Actually, that happens every morning, at Dawn, when all of creation has the lights turned on with the sunrise and we can see all of the surprises the Eternal has to offer.

 

TMM

My mother used the phrase “monkey see, monkey do” any time she thought I was just doing what others were doing and not what I should do. And, she was probably right every time (I keep telling you I am a mess!). As a child and youth, I wanted so badly to be accepted, I did whatever I could to fit in.

Interestingly enough, “monkey see, monkey do” is exactly what I should be doing every day. So, there mom, I was right after all.   Well, no not exactly. It kinda depends on who it is your are mimicking. Who your “monkey” is so to speak. And it turns out, the New Testament even talks about this. Hey, maybe I am not such a mess after all.

In the Gospel of John (Chapter 5) it talks about the Son only doing what he is led to do by the Father. It goes on to say that the Son watches the Father closely and then does what the Father does. Then an even more interesting response, the Father, knowing this, hides nothing from the Son. It turns out it is not what would Jesus do, but what has the Father already done.

Now think of this flow, I do what the Eternal leads me to do. How do I know what that is? By watching what the Eternal does in the world. Then, I do what I see being done and the more I watch and do, the more the Eternal reveals to me, holding nothing back, because the Eternal loves me deeply. It turns out that if I mimic (ape, to keep with my mom’s saying) the Eternal, I behave as his firstborn Son did and I become the Living Word. I always wanted to fit in, now I know which “crowd” to follow.

We are all called to the Eternal. We are filled with the warm shining spark of the Eternal. If we will watch, if we will look, all that we need to do and know will be revealed to us. It is everywhere around us, nature, co-workers, grand babies, loving daughters (even ones who think you are a mess) and the only prayer we need is “open my eyes that I may see.” And then, “monkey see, monkey do”. Now,  how’s that for Monkey Business????

Thanks Mom.

 

TMM

 

TMM