Month: March 2019

I went on retreat to an Abbey recently and it was delightful. To chant with the monks, to walk the grounds, to be free of TV and even radio or music, these are things that make silence delightful. Most of all, it is the chance to unplug from all of the worries, fears, and needs that I deal with daily. I cannot stay of course and if I could, I know that it would not always be delightful. Monks have hassles too!

Among those hassles for monks is overcoming all of the conversations that go on in our hearts. More than one monk/author has made it clear that an Abbey is not a place you can go to run away from yourself. In fact, it is at the Abbey that you must confront and wrestle with yourself daily. It takes practice, even for one living the monastic life. So, why are we so hard on ourselves when we don’t live up to our own expectations?

And, worse still, why do we react so badly when we don’t live up to the expectations of others? I know, I have a boss too and I give up too much control of myself to meeting those requirements of a job. At the end of the day, it is a job, it is not life and death (okay, if you are a brain or heart surgeon, it might be, but you get my point). Too many workplaces want us as the workers to take responsibility for everything that happens. That is patently unhealthy. Regardless of the business, no one person is ever responsible for things that happen, either good or bad things.

I only have to live up to the expectations of One. That One, that Sacred One has only the expectation that I will try to love the Sacred, myself and my neighbors. There is even an “escape clause” because I am well known to the Sacred. I am expected to try and why I don’t succeed, I am already forgiven. Now, imagine you workplace being like that, they expect you to do your work and when you don’t, they forgive and let you try again.

There is a name for this, by the way. It is the management style called Servant Leadership. It is management by the rule of St. Benedict if you will. The monks know something that I should not have to return to the Abbey to remember, The Creator of the Universe delights in me. It says it over and over again in scripture! You, me, all of creation, we are delightful to God. Join me in giving up all of those old “tapes” that play in our heads that we are not good enough, that we are utter failures, that we will never be good enough. We already are. We delight God. Let’s start feeling delightful.

TMM

Retreating is usually not a good thing if you are in the military. It coincides with giving up or giving in or even running away. Is it more than that though? Even in the military, there are those times when retreat is the best choice and to not do so can be disastrous.

On a spiritual level I believe it is the same thing. Retreat is good when the battle has been long or difficult or just had its cumulative effect on us. I love retreats now that I know of Abbeys to go to or quiet places. As a youth, a retreat was rarely a quiet time of reflection. Yes, we got away from home but no one taught us about the joy of silence, of solitude or even the proper view of a spiritual community.

Jesus often withdrew to a desert or wilderness place. If the Lord of all had to retreat once in a while, why do we not teach that in church? Youth retreats are times of singing, worship services, small group Bible studies but not much time in silence, in finding oneself. Adult retreats are usually not much better, a group Bible study, some activities and some time alone.

Why are we afraid of silence? Who are we afraid to meet in that silence, in that time alone and away from all else? I contend, from experience mind you, that the one we least want to meet is ourselves. I think we are all afraid that if we are really honest with ourselves we will just give up. We know all of the worst in us. We know we are not good enough or deserving. But what if I told you that if you embrace that one you fear you will find not only joy but the living God?

If you can get past the self-deprecation and keep silent, you will find you, that beautiful creation that the Creator said, “It is good”, you are good! And what do we fear in silence? I think we fear those old “tapes” that our parents or family or life itself taught us. When we are quiet, the voice we hear tells us how we have failed, how we don’t measure up, how we must do or be better. That is not the still small voice of God, that is the loud and chaotic voice of shame.

We have been bought at a great price. In retreat, in silence, we spend time with the purchaser! “Be still and know” is still one of the most important calls from God. Step away, if only in your heart and mind. Be quiet, at least inside. Turn off the old tapes…….can you hear it? That still small voice of love?

TMM

I often will tease people when they ask me about a mistake I might make by saying, “I gave up being perfect for Lent”. We have a laugh and then I usually take responsibility for whatever mistake I may have made. Now, notice I said usually but not always. I truly am not perfect and I do, indeed, have an ego.

I got to thinking about this joke I make about myself and now I wonder, did I really miss the point? Or have I been capturing the true meaning of Lent and not realized it? I cannot be perfect that is for sure. But what if it really is true that we should give up those false ideas of who we are or who we can be?

I am hardest on myself and am willing to bet you are too. Have you ever thought, “if you really knew me, you would not like me as much”. It is actually a form of shaming ourselves when we decide we should be better, smarter, kinder…..anything(er) than who we actually are. That self-image is the ego or as Thomas Merton might say, the false self. This happens when we see ourselves differently than how God sees us.

We are not called to be perfect but to love. Whoever you are right now is good enough. You do not have to “get better” or “be better” than you are in this second. You do not have to repent, you do not have to be saintly, you do not have to Be anything. You see the Creator of All loves you at this moment and every moment, as is. I once thought it would be a great name, the ASIS church. All sinners into saints church.

You know that it is true. All of us sinners are being (or can be) turned into saints. Some are slower at it than others but love from God moves us into that direction. There used to be a bumper sticker that said, God ain’t finished with me yet! I surely hope not, because I really did give up being perfect for Lent. And so should you!

How about this? Be who you are right this minute. Don’t try to get better or be better, just be. Seems outrageous doesn’t it? Seems egotistical to think you and I are good enough. Too often we have heard from the pulpit that we must “get right with God” and “stop sinning”. This is a lie. We are now and have always been “right with God.” And we cannot stop sinning (going our own way, going the way of our egos). So lets give all of that up and see and love ourselves as God does. Give up being perfect and just love who you are in God’s eyes.

TMM

In sports, balance is everything. You must maintain your balance for all of the mechanical things of the body to come together at once. In martial arts, it is always about taking your opponents balance away from them. In those first steps as a baby, balance is the goal. The child’s legs can do the motions needed, but until there is balance, well there is a lot of falling down.

As I appreciate it, this absolutely true in the spiritual life, in all of life. Spiritually, we know what to do, but until we achieve balance in our physical and spiritual lives, well we fall down a lot. We are both spirit and body. We have an interior life and an exterior life. It is only when both are balanced that we are one with ourselves and with God.

If you read the Psalms, it is there over and over again, the revelation of God in all of creation and the desire to have heart and soul be aligned and at peace with that creation. We, as wonderfully made creations of God, are only at peace with creation when we realize we are part of that creation in both interior life and exterior life and that it must be in balance.

The Eucharist is this very idea. Christ’s body is represented in the bread. Christ’s blood is represented in the wine. His body was/is an example of the physical life we are capable of living. His blood, the very life force of all, was/is an example of the interior life we are called to live. The Eucharist is only complete when both elements are present. The balance of the spiritual life, interior and exterior life together, representing God’s presence on earth.

We are out of balance when we are too rational about things, about scripture, about taking things literally. We are out of balance when we are too emotional about things. Too much in our head and we miss the mystical, joyous world all around us. Too much in our mystical selves and we do not see the process of faith. It must be both/and (to quote the Franciscan, Richard Rohr). Today, let’s seek balance….do what you know you should do but enjoy the mystery of it all.

TMM

What does it mean to repent? Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. This day is about repentance. It has often been said in sermons that to repent is to go a different way. That is true, but it is so much more than that. It is more than just doing things differently.

Other definitions of repentance teach that it is about asking for forgiveness and being contrite about what sins we have committed. This also is true, but it still does not capture the whole meaning of repentance. On this day, you may have a service and receive the sign of the cross on your forehead in ashes. These ashes come from the palm fronds of last Eastertide that have been burned. It is a reminder of the joy to come, Resurrection Sunday (Easter) but also a reminder that we are all those palm fronds.

For me, the missing piece of repentance that we so rarely talk about is that repentance does not just mean doing things differently, it means seeing things differently. It means that we put ourselves away and see the world, our lives and the lives of others from a different point of view. We stop seeing what we want and/or expect to see and see the world again for the very first time, the way God sees it.

Why do we do this every year? I believe we need it because living in this world does rub off on us and sometimes we lose perspective. Sometimes, if we are not very careful, we allow how we see things to become the only way to see things. It isn’t the only way. Our own viewpoint must again perish on that cross with the Beloved Son of God. We should do this daily.

But this is not a time of hopelessness or even sadness. It is the time of great hope and coming joy. Like Advent, this period of time is one of expectation. Introspection yes, realization yes, but most of all, the deep hope once again for the Risen Christ. That may help to understand why there is a cross of ashes on your forehead, the coming empty cross and empty tomb.

TMM

I am a die hard baseball fan and player. In the game, we have sacrifices. Sacrifice flies are those times when we hit a long fly ball, we are out, but the person on base moves up or scores. Sacrifice bunts are intended to give up the batter for the sake of the runner scoring.

The idea is to give up one player for another and it helps to win. When we make sacrifices for our children, we are giving up something that would benefit us or make us happy in order to further the lives of our children. We do this gladly because we love our children and want the best for them.

However, these days there does not seem to be a connection that children understand. They often see that sacrifice as simply a parent doing their duty. It is not valued as a sacrificial act. You know what, that is our fault as parents. We live in a society where we have so much, we only really sacrifice from our abundance. For most of us, it rarely costs us from our needs in life.

This view by the receivers as just another duty done leads to the sense of entitlement that we see too often these days. Parents from the Greatest Generation, those born before WWII, really did have to sacrifice to help their children be more than their parents. The next generation, the Baby Boomers started the confusion.

The Boomers got the life that was better than their parents. They in turn said, ” I want my kids to have a better life” but here’s the thing, those Boomers had the better life and became successful. What we should have done is change our mantra to, “I want my kids to appreciate the life they have”. If we had done that, our later generations would understand sacrifice.

We should know better you know. Christ set the example of sacrifice and it was not a traditional blood sacrifice. Blood represented life itself, all of it. Jesus dying was about each of us giving up all of our lives to follow God. The blood is the symbol, not the object of sacrifice. When we celebrate the Eucharist, Communion, we are agreeing that we are willing to make that sacrifice of ourselves to God’s ways. It is both joyous and terrifying.

It is terrifying because we give up everything to follow and no promise of getting anything back. It becomes joyous when we discover that the life we gave up just doesn’t compare to the life we get in exchange. Let’s celebrate all of life, not just at communion but every day. We give it all up, sacrifice all, to have more.

TMM

I remember, a number of years ago, that when I checked into a hotel, I would call the front desk and ask for a wake up call the next morning. I cannot remember the last time I did that. It seems that hotels and motels have now placed alarm clocks in the rooms. Besides that our cell phones have alarms and who wouldn’t rather wake up to your own unique alarm tone.

There are a lot of wake up calls in life. For me, there have been wake up calls about health. These can be ignored but often at great price. So when the call comes health wise we change how we eat or exercise or conduct our lives. There are other wake up calls in life, ones that deal with relationships or jobs or how we live our lives.

Here is an important item however. On the clock and on our phones, we can hit the snooze button and act like the alarm did not go off. When the wake up call from the front desk was in use, there was no snooze button. And, there is no snooze button on a hungry cat or dog in the morning.

You know we do this with jobs, relationships and even with God. We hit the snooze button! We have a job that we used to love but alarms started going off about how the job is affecting us and we hit the snooze button. Sometimes, it is true, it isn’t time to wake up yet. Other times, we cannot bring ourselves to face the change. Relationships are like this as well, in fact even harder to deal with. We see signs that things should change (alarms going off) and we hit the snooze. What we need sometimes is a call from the front desk. I have had one or two of those in my life, when I hit the snooze too often.

So here is the real question: Are we hitting the snooze button in our relationship with God? Shouldn’t we just go ahead and “get up”? God is continuously waking us up to the world, to ourselves, and to God’s very presence in our lives. I know I need to stop hitting the snooze button and just go ahead and get up, be up, and stay up when it comes to the living God inside of me. If I am not mistaken, Jesus did this with Lazarus……and Lazarus did not have to be asked twice, he got up and came out of the tomb.

This day, we are being called to rise from the dead (that being our way of doing things). Let’s just get up, walk out of our tombs and see the face of the living Christ.

TMM

That is just shameful. This is a phrase you don’t hear very often anymore. Growing up, if an adult said that to me, I knew I had really done wrong. The idea of shame is to feel bad, to feel guilty, or to feel remorseful for something you have done. I can attest that I have done a few shameful things, though they were not worthy of jail time or prison.

Where did we get the idea that it is good to shame someone? I know in recent years we have done “pet shaming” on social media. I am not sure my dogs feel much shame about destroying my wife’s crocheting. And when did we start doing this to people? I get the idea that we should admit when we have done something wrong and that feeling guilty is a part of learning to apologize and make amends. Shaming is much more than that, it is a powerful emotion that goes beyond guilt.

When we feel guilty, we are remorseful that we have done something that is considered to be wrong or inappropriate. It is an emotion that says, “I shouldn’t have done that”. Shame is different, it is an emotion that says, “I am so stupid for having done that”. Can you not only see but feel the difference? Guilt is a healthy and normal response that can move us to making amends and being honest with ourselves.

Shame is the very act of hating ourselves. When we are ashamed or when we shame someone else, we are saying that we (or they) are unlovable and less than a person. It is sad that Church so often engages in shaming. So many sermons I have heard over the years belabor our unworthiness before God, our inadequacy, our guilt.

I believe this is done by the structured church to maintain control through intimidation. It has been going on for several hundred years. If you don’t believe me, talk to a dyed in the wool Presbyterian who utters the phrase “utter depravity” to describe us all. That notion is five hundred years old. It is incredibly demeaning and relies on shame to get its point across: we are all utterly worthless.

That is, as they say, a bald faced lie. We are fully, totally and incredibly loved by God. We are totally lovable, infinitely valuable to God. We are not stupid or dumb or worthless or depraved. We are all God’s children. Even our guilt has been dealt with eternally. Should we make amends when we mess up? Of course. Should we be honest about who we are? Of course we should, but at the end of the day, we are God’s lovely children.

TMM