Month: October 2016

I recently read an inspirational piece about pilgrimages. The piece talked about going to special places of our ancestors. That makes sense, Jung believed that our ancestors were there with us, always. We carry their heritage within our very being. I think that this is true, it has been my life experience.

I have certain places I feel deeply about. One, of course, is the Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky. I have described it before as a place of thunderous peace. The love of God permeates every room and the trails around the Abbey. I always feel like I cannot even call out to anyone, it would just seem, well, rude.

There are other places. The town of Vine Grove, Kentucky is another of those places. It is where my mother and aunts and uncle grew up. My grandfather was the station master there. I visit there and just feel like I am part of the place. My mother, grandfather and grandmother are all buried there, in a cemetery next to the railroad tracks. Another place is my hometown of San Antonio, especially the neighborhood I grew up in. The memories that return when I am in that place are powerful.

We all have our places, the Irish call them the “thin places” where heaven and earth just seem to be all in one. At church, we are hearing a series about Sacred Ground. Moses had to take  his shoes off. I feel that way at the Abbey and, come to think of it, at the cemetery. I daresay, when I finally get to go to Ireland, home of the Fitzgibbons, I will feel the overwhelming presence of all those ancestors who went before me.

So where is your sacred ground? Where do you go that you suddenly feel in touch with all that you are and all that the Sacred One is in you? Seek that place out often. For Christ, it was the “wilderness”. Where is it for you? Spend time there, you will be forever grateful. And, you never know, you just might be changed.

TMM

Have you ever changed your mind? Have you ever not changed your mind? Of course both are true. I am a researcher and analyst be training. If I research and come across convincing arguments, I will change my mind. Of course, I have on occasion, not changed my mind when I should have. That usually happens when I feel backed into a corner or need to defend myself. And quite often, when this happens, it is because of fear of the unknown.

Fr. Richard Rohr is a profound writer. I was reading a statement he said and it hit me hard, “Jesus did not come into the world to change God’s mind about us, but to change our mind about God, and one another”. Think of this statement. God has never changed his mind about us. He has loved us from the first moment. It is us who need to change our mind, about Jesus, about God, and about one another.

During this election season, (trust me I am weary of it and this is not a political rant) you can watch person after person refuse to change their mind about people and issues, regardless of the facts and information they are presented with. We tend to believe what we want to believe and even in research, most experiments or studies confirm what they set out to confirm.

You see the life of Christ was not to show God he could do it right. It was to show all of us that we could. Look at his life, that life that changed the whole world. He was non-violent in a violent world. He made the distinction between doing what is right (following the letter of the law) and doing the right thing (following the spirit of the law). It was all to convince us that the way God saw Jesus is exactly how God sees each one of us.

Jesus said, “I and the Father are One”.  Let that sink in. Now, say that to yourself, “I and the father are one”. It is very hard to do isn’t it? We stop at the man made chasm we call sin. We made that chasm. Us, not God, not Jesus, not the preacher or the priest, US. There is not now nor has there ever been a gap between us and the Eternal. Now, some of you will stop right there and think at length about sin and the great divide between yourself and God. There is no divide!

To paraphrase Merton and others, we search everywhere for what we most deeply desire, only to discover that it has been right there inside of us all the time. So, I am going to change my mind. I am stopping the search. I am good enough just as I am. I can rest. I can let the love of the Eternal of all universes wash over me. I am the beloved.

 

TMM

“I did it” can go either way.  It can be an acknowledgment of success or accomplishment or it can be a confession and an acceptance of responsibility. I have done both, as I am sure you have. I really enjoy the first one, it feels great to say “I did it.” I have run 9 marathons in my life and got to say “I did it”. It felt great to do that, to get my college degrees, to earn martial arts rank, and so many more things in my blessed life.

On the other hand, the confession version is a lot less fun. Let’s face it, we all hate to be wrong, we all hate to own up to our mistakes, and we all struggle when it comes to taking responsibility for what has happened. I spent time as a CEO and I took responsibility for myself and for others. I was responsible so I was the one to say, I did it or “I let that happen”. It is humbling to be responsible for everything at an agency. And, taking responsibility for things you didn’t actually do is even more so.

Why did I do that? Well, there are surely days I wonder that because it eventually got me fired. I did that, took responsibility for the errors of others, because I was protecting them and trying to get them to see their actions were problematic, but not terminal. It usually became a moment of Grace for them, when we discussed the issues afterward. There were some who did not appreciate grace and continued in the behavior. Others changed and were glad. Others perceived it as a sign of weakness and used it to further their own agenda.

My good brother and I have both been CEOs and lived through this sort of thing. We were chatting the other day and he said something he had read and it was profound – Jesus did not go to the Cross to convince God to forget our sins. Many verses confirm that God did not and does not want a blood sacrifice, a death to make things “right”. That is not a loving God. No, Jesus went to the Cross because we needed it. We cannot believe that God loves us, just as we are, without payment. We cannot wrap our minds around that. We live in a world where we have to earn everything, pay for everything, with no free rides.

The Cross and all that led up to it were because we need to see someone pay! How often do we hear or even say that, “somebody is gonna pay”? Read the title of this note, “I did it”. Now, let’s take responsibility for sending Christ to the Cross. Hold on, this is not a condemnation but a pass to freedom. You see dear ones, there is no price to pay for who we are. There is nothing to be paid for grace, that is not possible. Scripture and life teach us that we cannot earn acceptance from God or even from others.

Every time we demand a price be paid for our sins, our errors, we send Christ to the Cross again. How often does he have to go up there before we figure out WE ARE FORGIVEN? Why can’t we accept grace and just be the beloved children God sees us as? Every time we are harsh to ourselves, feel bad or ashamed of ourselves, Christ has to get back on the Cross, to convince us yet again, we are beloved, we are forgiven. I need to remember that, every day. I need to remember that just as I took the heat for my staff, Christ took it for us all. Not because God needed that to love us, but because we needed it believe that God could love us.

 

TMM

What does it take to forgive? That is a very troubling thought if I am honest with myself. You see, I have been hurt and betrayed. I am betting you have too. And it is not fun and it is not easy. And we usually take that anger and pain out on the one we perceive caused the pain and betrayal. And yet, we are told to forgive and forget. As the Brits might say, “not bloody likely”. You see, I am mad and I want someone to pay for what happened. I need a place to direct my pain and hurt.

My brother told me of a person who has been in AA for over three decades and that person says, “carrying a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”.  Ouch, that makes so much sense but I wonder how much poison I have ingested over all these years. And I do know better. The Model prayer acknowledges that I must forgive the “debts” of others. I like what the Cistercian monk, Fr. Basil Pennington said, “we should pray this prayer saying ‘let me forgive others exactly as you have forgiven me'”.  Now  that gets a little too close to home. Just like I am forgiven? Really? Come on Father, come on Jesus, I am not that good, nor that holy.

Jesus is sitting in church and he gives the example of two slaves who owe their owner money, one 50 dollars, the other 500 dollars. And out of the blue, the owner forgive each debt. Jesus asks which would be more thankful and the host says the one who owed more. Then Jesus forgives the sins of the woman bathing his feet in tears and ointment and the other guests are furious. Do they hate forgiveness that much? I suspect that they feared losing control over the people that much, after all, that is why they killed Jesus.

You see friends, the lesson here is that we must be the ones to forgive sins. Yes, you heard it right, we forgive sins. That was Jesus’ point in this situation. We must individually forgive the sins of others. The forgiveness happened so very long ago, for all of us. We call it grace. We are the ones that must forgive because without it, we will never let go of those aches and pains others have seemingly caused us. We have to stop drinking the poison, we are called to forgive all sins.

 

TMM

I have a dear friend, my best friend who I have adopted as my brother. My biological brother died twelve years ago. I miss him a lot, he was a great brother and a good Marine. My new brother is an interesting duck and he would say he resembles that remark. I have known him for over ten years and over those years we have shared the greatest joys and pains in our lives.

My brother, when we first met, was a devoted Buddhist with no real use for the Church, religion or God as most describe God. He earned that right and lived into that place after a childhood as a budding Episcopalian and once hopeful priest to be. Then life betrayed him a bit, the direction changed and he learned to live into being a police officer, which he did well, until his heart could not stand to see the suffering and pain. He became a bank president and lived into the role of being in charge and successful, until the wrong person decided he had to go.

Why am I telling my brother’s story? Because it still unfolding, now in glorious ways. Fast forward now to the past 6 years and my brother learning to love this crazy old contemplative. Slowly, the Eternal began to creep back into my brother’s life and conversation. I introduced him to Brennan Manning and the new directions started to show more often. In the past year, my brother started attending a church and has now discovered his faith again, for the very first time. And now, several at his church see the heart I have always known wanted to surface….a heart that is gigantic in it’s ability to accept others as is. A heart that is backed by an intellect I will never approach.

What life should you be living into? Does it satisfy your needs? Does it bring peace to your heart? My brother is drawing a bead on peace of that nature and the very capable marksman does not miss often. He won’t this time either. It will be his greatest bulls eye. Live into your life. And bro………live into that life you see coming toward you. Be bold, be alive.

 

TMM

I grew up in a time and at an economic level where leftovers were a way of life. To this day, I hate to throw things out after a meal. It is a problem sometimes because those leftovers start to grow “new life” if you know what I mean. That being said, some leftovers are repurposed and tasty.

In the New Testament, we see a great example of the power of leftovers. A certain woman comes to Jesus and asks for help. He tells her that his “food” is for the children of Israel and he must keep the food to feed them. She is tenacious and tells him that the dogs under the table at least get the crumbs that fall from the good meal……the leftovers.  And Jesus is astounded and honored by her faith in just a few crumbs, a few leftovers. He gives her the desire of her heart.

Now, lets think of this closely. If just the leftovers of the life of Christ are enough to bring about miracles, what is the lesson for us? Do we really need all that we ask for from God? I mean, seriously, crumbs of faith were enough to heal. We ask so much of God…bless our football game, tell us we are right, prove that you are there. We never think about what that sounds like to God. I think the Eternal weeps when we do this.

Consider Jesus when he is resurrected and speaks to Peter. Three times he asks if Peter loves him. I always learned it was to represent the three denials. Now I am not so sure. Maybe Jesus was teaching him what it feels like to be asked over and over again, do you love me? In our relationships with others, if we are always asking for proof that the other really loves us, that relationship is doomed. Don’t we do this a lot? Beg God for things we either already have or don’t really need?

I am going to be more thankful for the crumbs from the table of God’s grace. I know now that it is enough. And, from my life experience, it is up to me to make a very tasty meal out of those leftovers. My life is that meal, so that others can have a place to feed themselves. If I put down a bland meal that I don’t even want to eat, how will others ever get fed? Or even want to eat. If you need a reason for why people are leaving church, look no further than the meal you are serving them every day. That we the Church are providing for a very hungry world.

 

TMM

If you are like me, you have more questions than answers, once you get to a certain age. Notice this last, once you get to a certain age. Before that you are always working on having the answers or seeking them. I work with junior high and high school boys every week. They, of course, have all of the answers. If you don’t believe that, just ask them and they will tell you exactly how things are, with great confidence and earnestness.

Ah, to be young again and know everything. As a therapist, I very quickly learned that I did not have all of the answers and often could not even figure out the question. That is how life is, when you have all of the answers, it means you know nothing about living because you have already received all that you have room for in your heart. This is the meaning of the Buddhist idea of “emptying your cup”. We have all met someone with a full cup, they know all that there is to know, there can be nothing to add. Life lived this way is but a shadow of all that life really is and can be.

I am learning to live in the moment, to get all that there is out of each moment, sometimes that is nothing. Why do we always have to be seeking, looking, squeezing life? It is really okay to sit and do nothing. In the immortal words of Satchel Paige, “sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits”. It is okay to just sit. To just be. To not seek. To let life happen. This is true prayer, true lectio divina. To just be. At our deepest place, we encounter the Eternal by doing absolutely nothing. The Japanese call it mushin, “no mind”. It is not mindlessness, it is total mindfulness but total passivity, letting the moment unfold without directing it.

Oh, I get it, I truly do. I work in a profession where I am supposed to have answers and be seeking more and more knowledge and therefore more answers. I have learned that reading my own press is a huge mistake. I am not “all that and a bag of chips” as my students might say. I simply am and I am learning that is good enough. Rilke is a fine poet and writer and I love this notion, “live the questions.” Too often I push past the question in search of an answer, yet life keeps teaching me that the answers are secondary, it is the question that matters. Rilke also says that if we live the questions, we might, eventually live into the answers.

This, I think is faith, when we live the questions. Faith because we are filled and inhabited by the One who already has all of the answers. It is time for me to live the questions and let the answers just happen. To trust that within me, all that I ever need to know already exists. Scripture says ask and it will be given. So, I think I will just keep asking, keep living the questions and explore the questions without looking for the answers.

 

TMM