Month: February 2016

We all make choices. Which coffee to drink, which car to buy, which school to go to, which person to marry.  I went for a long time thinking that the Eternal had already made all of those choices for my life and being a Christian meant I had to find exactly which of those choices the Eternal had made for me and follow them. When I was in college, I was in a fraternity for people going into church related vocations. We had a young member who, every time we asked him to go eat some pizza (or coffee, or McDonalds), he would say “let me pray about that.” By the time he was done, we were gone. We were not being mean, it was just that we didn’t think God cared about what pizza we were going to eat.

It turns out that I should have paid attention to what was going on and learned from it. It is very difficult to live by the idea that it is all planned out, since the implication is that if you are not doing exactly what God has in mind for you, you are living in sin. I tried, I promise I did, for so very many years. And then I became a contemplative, a mystic and discovered that the Eternal was something very different.

It turns out, the Eternal gave me something called free will. Imagine living without condemnation and without fear. I have learned that I do get to choose, what path my life takes, who I walk that path with,  and so much more. The promise of the Eternal is that no matter what path I choose, I will not be alone. Turns out the promises of Psalm 23 are quite sure, “for Thou art with me”…….I don’t have to go it alone. The ideas above are called theological determinism or Calvanism. I understand why people prefer the strict thinking, strong rules give comfort to life and we don’t have to think, just do. It fits with Descartes’ “I think therefore I am.”

But the Eternal predates Descartes and belonging to the Eternal means, “I am therefore I think.” Can you see the difference? We are in the image of the Eternal, so we are part of the great I Am. We get to choose. Now, we should choose wisely of course and make choices based on what is in line with our love relationship with the Eternal. But they are our choices. A minister friend quotes an old saying that God can strike a straight line with a crooked stick. I like that, being the mess that I am, because it means that I do not have to worry about eating pizza.

We all make choices, every moment of every day. I do not believe each of those are foreordained. I do believe if we are tuned into our love affair with the Eternal, we begin to take on the mind of the Eternal and we begin to see the patterns of where those choices have led us and can lead us. If we are in a loving relationship with the Eternal, then we live without fear. We watch straight lines being struck with us “crooked sticks”. That is freedom in Christ. That is free will that leads us to the new Garden of Eden.

TMM

Okay, I made up a new word. Dadship: that awesome responsibility that leads to joy, hurt, fear, hope and amazement. I am unashamedly a dad. I have been for just shy of 30 years. It has been amazing and worrisome and joyous and terrifying. My daughter is a brown eyed beauty who stole my heart the day she was born. They gave me to her, wrapped up and I held her and she looked up into my eyes…….and, well that was it. And to this day, she knows that all she has to do now is look at me with those eyes and I will melt.

And I am twice lucky, because I have another daughter, one that I came to late in my life. She asked me if I would be the dad she never had and even asked my first daughter if it was okay to share me. Now, that is almost as amazing as the birth of my first. I mean, I truly am nobody special. At least I didn’t think so until I was chosen to be a dad. Both daughters are highly educated professionals in their fields. Both have so much to give to the world. And I get to be a part of that, not by demand but because they both include me.

I wonder if the Eternal looks at each of us just like that? When we look into that Sacred Face of love, does the Eternal do like I am doing now and get teary eyed and exude overwhelming love and joy at my very existence? I believe that is exactly what happens. The Eternal creator of all looks into my heart and sees so much that I have to give, so many times I have missed the boat, so many times that I got it right, and so many times that I just couldn’t go on alone. And every moment, the Eternal does not leave me, doesn’t forget me, and is always faithful in that love.

Dadship is a powerful responsibility and utter joy. The Dad to us all sees us with eyes of utter joy. And, you know what, this Dad is totally blind. Totally blind to all of our short-comings. Totally blind to our errors. I see my daughters as total joy and the hope for this world. I too am blind to their short-comings and errors. Do I think they are perfect? Uh, no! I love them both, but perfect they are not and I DON’T CARE! One won my heart at birth, one by asking me to be her dad, so I don’t care what they are not on any given day.

The Eternal is a far better parent than I will ever be. So maybe I need to remember that I won the heart of the Eternal the moment I was born. Maybe it would be okay if I saw me, through Eternal eyes. Is it okay if I rejoice in me? It does say to love our neighbor like we love ourselves. I need to love myself more, the way the Eternal does…… or I have nothing to give my neighbor.

TMM

I never watched the show Friends, but my wife did and loved it. When she talks about that show, there is always a funny story, a memorable moment that came up. I know enough about the show to know that the name was appropriate because true friends, despite any differences, are always there for each other and enjoy deep fellowship and a sense of belonging. My daughter has a group of friends from high school that are a little like that, though they live in diverse places. They get together sometimes but often use facebook to keep up.

I have rarely had that in my life. All the way through college, I never had a group like that. In my twenties and thirties it never happened either. I have had a few groups that were at work and one that was at church, but never a group of friends that just hung out together. I think that is why Friends was a beloved show, it presented an ideal we all want, but rarely ever get in real life. Of course that is true, TV is not real life.

So what are we to do, us non-tv mortals? Well, I know that is what our spiritual community is supposed to be for us, that group of fellow travelers that walk the path with us. I wonder what would happen to us all if we treated church/spiritual family the way Friends played out their friendships? I am betting church would be full, it would be fun and it would be deep. And that gets me to thinking: if it isn’t that way, whose fault is it?

I think I need to be a better friend to those I go to church with and travel this path of life with. It is hard, at first, to be new and get involved, I want to be appreciated and accepted and fit in. Whew, who doesn’t? But time has to unfold and I must be available to those moments when I can find a good fit. But always, I have to be open for those moments,  I have to be patient and wait for those times to happen when I can step in and fit in. I must live aware.

And isn’t that the same with our Dearest Friend? The Eternal wants to be our bestest friend, (as my daughter has said to me) wants us to be aware and open and ready to fit in with that blessed love. To do that, I have to live aware of the moment. Did I just basically say that I need to be the Eternal’s best friend? Is that outlandish to you? We expect the Eternal to always come to us in love and that will always be true. But, get ready, why am I not being the Eternal’s best friend? Hmmm, I think today I will try to be the Eternal’s “bestie”!

TMM

“That’s a real eye-opener”. We have all heard that phrase, right? And I will bet we have all had our “eyes opened” about something a few times in our lives. It might have been a person you thought you knew, who then suddenly acts in ways that open your eyes to their true nature. It might be that you have walked or driven some place a dozen times and suddenly, the sun is just right, the breeze just perfect and your eyes are opened to the true beauty of that place.

In my life, I must confess, I have missed some of those moments because I was not paying attention.  I have missed some because I did not want to see and a few others because I was not ready to see. Timing does seem to matter. That moment when we see? That is an epiphany, a serendipitous moment. It happened to Thomas Merton, years ago in downtown Louisville, Kentucky. The corner of 4th and Walnut, there is a plaque there now. I stood there a year or two ago, thinking of Merton seeing all those people on the street as if they were shining lights. He saw with eyes given to him by the Eternal, that all of us are filled with the Light of the Eternal. In that moment, the scriptures he had read came to life.

So what opens our eyes for the first time, to things we see all the time? I think that we have to get past ourselves. We have to get past our worries and our fears and our rigid beliefs about our world, our lives and the Eternal. Most of all we have to get past our concrete, literalist thinking. Rohr refers to this as the second half of the spiritual life, when we begin to see the meaning through the eyes of the Eternal. I have seen so many church people hurt by literalism, by concrete thinking. I think this is what saddened Jesus the most when he spoke to all who would listen. They could not get past the rigid laws and thoughts of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

That is why the miracles He did are so telling. He heals a blind man and the church elders demand to know how it was done. Was it by the law? They did not like the answer, it did not fit in their literalist box. The former blind man said he didn’t know how it was done: he was blind, now he sees. That describes all of us you know?

Scripture says no one comes to the Eternal unless the Eternal draws them there and then opens their eyes. Now that is comforting, the Eternal is not a secret, not a mystery, but wants to know us and even goes out of the way to get our attention. A phrase describes how we are before the Eternal gets hold of us: eyes wide shut! Trust me I have been there, lived it, have scar tissue from it. Eyes wide shut, how many times have I looked but not seen? How many times for you?

The mystic part is not that we have to seek the Eternal or the will of the Eternal. No, the mystery is why in the world the Eternal seeks us? That is a nutshell explanation of Christian mysticism: The Eternal creator of all seeks each and every one of us, for all time, to be in love with us and us with the Eternal. That is the meaning of “be still and know that I am God”.

For me, being a mystic is being eternally grateful and in awe of this one tiny truth. The Eternal knew me from the first moment, knows me at my worst, knows how foolish I can be and still, and still calls me, walks with me, carries me and wants to be with me now and always. It don’t get more mystical than that!

TMM

Frederick Buechner wrote a book called The Longing for Home. It is a wonderful book, easy to read and filled, as are all of his books, with subtle wisdom we can take with us everywhere. Toward the end of the book, Bueckner talks of the safety and comfort of our home and of those who do not have that comfort. It is unsettling to say the least. I have been to South Africa, to India, to Mexico and I have seen abject poverty and people with no home or place to go. I have seen it on many streets and in many cities here in the U.S.

When I say the Model Prayer (the Our Father for my Catholic friends) I take the liberty of changing a few things. Hey, it’s a model not a blue print. I thank God that the Kingdom has already come and then I ask that I be able to do His will the same way it is done in heaven. I do the same when I pray about trespasses, that I can forgive exactly the way I am forgiven. When it comes to bread, I thank God for my daily bread and I ask that I never, ever forget those who have no bread.

Bueckner goes on to point out that we pray for the hungry, which is a start. We should try to feed them or make sure they are fed, as often as possible. But then he moves from, as they say in the South, ‘Preachin’ to meddlin”. That is when he reminds us that we are all hungry and want to be fed. We all have a hunger to be loved, to be noticed, to have more faith, or if you are me, a hunger to belong. I am so hungry sometimes and yet don’t even realize it. Hungry for my students to learn and be successful. Hungry for my family to be happy and safe and healthy. Hungry to be accepted by a new church. Hungry to make a difference in this world.

I think that is the true meaning of the Our Father. When I get to the daily bread part, what I am really asking is for the Eternal to satisfy all of those hungers in my life.  An old hymn says, “Bread of Heaven feed me till I want no more” and that is what I want. But Bueckner doesn’t stop yet and we shouldn’t either. He goes on to point out that we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. It is only when we feed them that we are truly fed ourselves.

If our longings are to be met, we need to feed others. Yes, with a loaf or canned goods if that is needed, but also their hunger to be accepted, loved, appreciated and to matter in this world. When they are full, we will be full and our deepest longings will be satisfied.

TMM

 

I always wanted to belong. I rarely ever did though. I was a terribly shy and self-conscious kid, all the way to college. I belonged when I was on the baseball field or football field, but even then I never experienced that deep comradery that comes to some teams. I think that is what we are supposed to feel in our spiritual family and I have had that once or twice.

Today is the celebration of the Presentation of Jesus at the Temple. It is an interesting story with prophecy, blessings, and amazement all involved. We all know Jesus was special, we get that, so if we are not careful, we read this story and think: “okay, Jesus was special, it was a great day” and little more. We do not find ourselves in the story. All good bible study involves finding ourselves in the story we are reading. It is what makes the stories come alive. It is easy to do when we talk about the Nativity. I am usually the third camel to the right…… Wait for it…..okay a little giggle helps. But seriously, it is an easy story  to find ourselves in. So is the crucifixion, though infinitely more painful.

But this story? This Jewish ritual? How in the world can we make much of this little story and ritual, it is all about Jesus after all. NO, it is not and in fact may be the most important story to find ourselves in within the whole New Testament. You see, the words of that story indicate that Jesus was presented to demonstrate that every child is holy to the Eternal. We find ourselves in the story when we realize that we now and always have belonged to the Eternal. It is clear to me that every being on the planet belongs to the Eternal, we are all created in the image of the Eternal. Forget our difference, Jesus sure did, and embrace how we are all God’s Children and this story says it all. From our birth we belong to the Eternal.

What is more, Simeon then takes him in his arms and tells of all of the possibilities in that child. That he will change things, make the world a different and better place. That he will save the world. Whether it is a baptism or dedication, depending on your beliefs and experience in church, the moment is the same: that child (and every person who has been a child) belongs to the Eternal and has within, every possibility of hope and salvation.

Does what I wrote sound far fetched. Scripture says, Christ in you, the hope of glory. At the monastery, we talk often of being reminded of our baptism. In Catholicism, infants are baptized to show this very ceremony, that every child is holy and set apart and belongs to the Eternal. Later, for them and others, Confirmation is that moment when the child becomes responsible for that knowledge of belonging to God. So, how would it be if we lived in a world where every person we encountered was seen as dedicated to the Eternal?

Would we be more patient with folks? Would we stop seeing race, gender, age, disabilities? Would we be ashamed when we treated the “least of His children” poorly? That is where I find myself in the story, dedicated wholly to the Eternal. It was not my choice, it was and is my birthright. It is just who I am. Now, if I can just live it out.

TMM

A million years ago, when I was a teenager, there was a song that started with, “day by day” and went on to list the things relating to God, to love, follow, and see God more clearly. As a teenager, that is really hard to understand, the notion of living day by day. When I was young, I wanted to think of the future, to get somewhere, to be someone. And I guess that is pretty normal for the young.

Then, I began to grow up, have a career and that desire for more became a way of life. That, too, is normal in our world and culture: to become someone that is respected and important and meaningful. But, that is not what we are called to if we follow the Eternal. It is a trap we all fall into sooner or later. We want to be meaningful in the world, to make a difference, to earn a little respect. All of these because we most likely feel like we don’t matter and we don’t respect ourselves.

I should know, I have lived that road. It is a dangerous road, one that is hard to walk away from. The story of Lot is not about sex, never has been. It is a story about power and control and giving up one’s ego. The messengers that came to him were the very presences of God. The men of the city did not like the idea that this outsider had power they did not, had more power and favor than they did. They wanted to take that power away and degrade it to nothing (that is the reason they wanted to have sex with the messengers, like all sexual assault,  it is about degradation and control, not sex). Lot was so attached to his little bit of glory, the messengers at his house, that he would offer up his own daughters rather than give up power and control. And even after that, it says Lot procrastinated from leaving Sodom. He just could not give up the old ways and neither could his wife.

I am Lot. And if you are honest, so are you. We cling to the little bit of power, control and self-esteem that we think we have, so tightly that we ignore the Messenger of the Eternal. We play the “just one more” game with the Eternal. Like those around Jesus, we want just one more sign that all this is real. We are all a mess, you do know that by now right? But we are deeply and eternally loved messes! The manna from heaven was never ending, but it was only enough for a day.

So, it really is scriptural, this “day by day” business. It is also so much more than we can imagine. It is terrifying to let go. Faith tells us that letting go is going to be okay but still we are afraid. Not so long ago, I was clinging to my own Sodom, knowing I needed to go, but terrified of where I was headed if I did. A trusted friend challenged me, challenged my professed faith, and challenged me with my own words, given to him in similar circumstances. I did let go and it hurt to do it and it was terrifying. I was sure I had lost it all, like Job. And, like Lot’s wife, I did a lot of “looking back”, even knowing where I was going was the right path.

So, on this day when the Irish celebrate the feast of St. Brigid, that day when the first hint that Spring might actually come (Imbolc to my other friends), let’s have a little faith that if we will let go of having to control our own lives the Eternal will catch us, hold us up, and lead us in new ways that we cannot imagine.

TMM