Month: January 2016

I have started over a few times in life at jobs. Well, okay after all of these years I have started over more than a few times. Sometimes by choice and sometimes out of necessity. In reading this morning, I was struck by words from St. Augustine when he addresses “learning to love a new life.” It suddenly overwhelmed me with relief to think that I have to learn to love a new life, even if it is a really good life.

I started my spiritual life as a Southern Baptist. I left that denomination because it became too rigid and political for my taste. The leftovers of that beginning have to do with some really bad theology, like God has one true plan for your life and you must find it. Along with that is the idea that if you miss that plan, if you don’t do exactly what God has planned for your life, you are a sinner and must repent. As you can imagine, that is a lot of potential and real guilt to deal with and I have endured my share, even to this very day.

So, my life has been through some tough changes and not all that long ago, I assumed it was all my fault for those problems and those changes were due to my sinfulness and lack of awareness of God’s will for my life. I know better than that now because as a contemplative/mystic I finally realized that God’s will for my life is to love God. That this wonderful Creator of all gave me free will and choices. I don’t always make the rights ones but when I err, I am already forgiven. So Augustine’s words spoke to me in a wonderful way.

I can see that this wonderful life I have personally and professionally is still something I must learn to love. It is not automatic and that is what I am freeing myself from, that notion that I must find God’s perfect will or else. I am free and now know that Buddha was right, whatever path you are on, light your candle and follow it.

 

TMM

 

I work at a college with Millenials. I often wonder, like any older person, “what is wrong with this generation?” That of course is what my parents and grandparents said about my generation. Each generation leaves something out that our elders thought was important. So, I am in good company here when I say I know one thing I wish these young people  would keep:  gratitude.

I don’t mean that this whole generation is ungrateful, not at all. And I do not mean blind, underserved gratitude meant to placate others. No, I mean real gratitude, like we read in the Psalms. Like I hear when I am at my beloved Abbey of Gethsemani and the monks are chanting the Psalms. That sort of gratitude for all that we are given.

And, I am no better. I pray and worship daily, but how often is there nothing but praise and gratitude coming out of my mouth and heart? Not often enough. Merton talked about the Psalms as the great example of how we emotionally relate to God. As I read today, what others said about the Psalms, it was a great point to be made that even in those Psalms that express deep pain and lamentation, they end in the Praise of God and gratitude for all that has been given.

I read the Psalms daily and yet I do not express such gratitude. I have a dear friend from way back in high school days and she just learned she has breast cancer. I am praying for her daily. But I have not been praising for her. I have not been grateful for knowing her and the life she has lived. That changes today, I will send her a personal message to say, I am grateful for the life you have lived.

And, why am I not more grateful for all that is in the world, all that I have and am? Maybe, if I teach and demonstrate gratefulness to my students, to these Millenials, I will see more of it. I know this old dog can learn new tricks. Maybe young dogs can too. Maybe a life lived in gratitude and praise is a life more worth living. I think I am going to try to be a living psalm, that at the beginning and end of each day, the beginning and end of each class I teach, the beginning and end of each conversation, I will express gratitude for that experience. Any body want to join me in the effort?

 

TMM

It amazes me sometimes, the gifts I have received during my lifetime. I have had wonderful birthday and Christmas presents of course. Even got a painted rock from a client once. But I am thinking of the gifts from the Sacred, my clinical skills with people, my opportunities to travel across the world, the great people I have been gifted with meeting, the analytical skills that I use to perform my work, and my athletic skills. These are all gifts from the Sacred, whether I realized it or not at the time.

There is more though, there is this moment. There is this day. This life. The natural world that surrounds me. These are the true gifts, but how often have I missed them? How often have I heard the birds but not, as scripture says “considered them”? How often have I just awakened and said thank you for the next breath?  This might seem minimal, but the little things, the least things…..those are the things of Christ.

And, unlike that really small shirt I got for Christmas one year that I could take back and exchange , the gifts of God are not ones you can exchange or take back to God and say, “can I have something a bit larger”? It doesn’t work that way with the gifts God gives, you get them and they are yours to do with as you see fit, but you cannot give them back or exchange them for a better fit.

No, the gifts are yours. This includes salvation or a salvific knowledge of God (depending upon how you identify this in your faith). All are saved, so scripture says. I take that to mean all of the world. Now, if I give you a gift and you never open it, that is quite sad and quite a waste, but it is your choice. That is salvation, a gift already given to all. Whether they open it or not, that is their choice. It is our choice: do we open the great gifts of God that we have been given or do we waste them by never opening the package. Or maybe we open the package but don’t like the gift and never use it.  It is your choice………

 

TMM

It is a mystery, that is true. In reading today, I came across the words of my favorite monk, Thomas Merton. He describes the contemplative life as having “nothing to tell you, except to reassure you.” And then it dawned on me, he is exactly right, the great mystery that we struggle with as contemplatives and Christians is that we are in this for nothing.

Now, before you leave let me explain: we get so caught up in the system of rewards and working for those rewards that it consumes us. Many Christians approach God to get something, salvation, relief, forgiveness, happiness, etc. And there is nothing wrong with any reason that draws us to the Sacred. But, that cannot be where we stay. As Merton says above, we get reassurance. Scripture says the same, “love God, don’t lean on you own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths”.

The reason for believing is to believe, to have a relationship with the Sacred. This is a high level of spiritual maturity, the second half of life, as Rohr would say. If you believe that you are in relationship with the Sacred just because you love the Sacred, then you no longer want or need anything else from God. And then you are out of the way, then the Sacred can have her way with you, the way of love. That is the “lean not on your own understanding” part. And the rest begins to happen, “and God will direct your paths”.

So I love God for nothing. But it has taken a long time to get to this place. So many sermons, some my own, about greater reward, about getting to heaven, about finding God’s will, and so much more and now I realize those were well meaning but mis-guided. The reason to love the Sacred, is to love the Sacred. To have a love affair with the Creator of all. And that is enough.

 

TMM

I know, Christmas is over, but only by a few days, so I am going to indulge in one last trip back. I already said I would celebrate Christmas all year long if I coul get away with it. One reason is the spirit of giving. If I was very wealthy, I would spend time each day giving it away. Yeah, I would take care of my family, but I love giving and seeing people having what they never thought they could have or, even better, what they never thought they deserved.

The second reason is that childlike wonder that is Christmas. The lights, the trees, the joy, the gifts, and most of all the mystery of it all. And that is what struck me today, I am often a prisoner of my education, my intellect, and age. I spend each day as a professor having teachable moments. I am good at it, highly analytical, a seeker and purveyor of knowledge. And that is the problem for this old mystic, laying all of those gifts aside and just reveling in the mystery. See, that’s why I really love Christmas, it’s the time of the year I get to go back to childlike wonder, to an innocence long since stripped from me from years of hearing the deepest pain and hurt and fear of every client I have ever served.

I love being a big kid, I truly do and it is part of my “messiness” and hopefully what endears me to those who love me. Isn’t that what Christ called us to? To childhood, in the midst of being all grown up? I was brought up short today by something Philip Toynbee wrote:

“the presence of those holy mysteries which surround us all…….

mysteries [that] are not problems to be solved but realities to be contemplated”

And, for me, that is the problem, escaping my training, my profession, and my grown up mind that must be about figuring things out, working and solving the problem. I am called to be part of the mystery, not to solve it. Isn’t that faith? The “essence of things hoped for, the substance of things not seen”? That is why I love Christmas, I don’t have to figure it out. Do I know Jesus wasn’t born in December? Yes. That the magi weren’t really there at his birth? Yes. That there was no little drummer boy playing for him? Oh, yes! But, you see, that’s what makes it magical, I can know those things and ignore them.

I believe the same is true for our faith, especially as a contemplative, as a mystic. We can study the scriptures, read books, be good learned people, but at the end of the day, it remains a mystery: that the Creator of All loves me, wants to have a deep relationship with me, and I don’t have to do one thing to get that, it simply IS. So, I think I shall get a cup of coffee, be Abba’s Child, perhaps giggle, perhaps shed a tear, but I will not try to figure out why I am loved, I shall just be loved.

 

TMM

Any good mystic is going to read and learn to appreciate the Desert Fathers and Mothers of the 4th century, the beginning of monasticism. It is amazing that these pilgrims in the faith lived in such austere settings and thrived as people. They appreciated the earth, the nature around them, the fire, water, air, and soil that made up the world as they knew it.

As I was reading today, I was captured by some of their sayings regarding turning into fire, being consumed by the Eternal, the Sacred. That is to become the “burning bush” to the world that, on any given day, the world so desperately needs. Have you considered that? Being so consumed by your faith that to others you seem like a “burning bush” of Christ’s Love? I will admit, it is a daunting idea and fearful. To let the Sacred so consume me with Love that it burns brightly for all to see.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not that great, to be honest I feel like I might be a little burning weed! But you get the idea: what if we thought of ourselves as the burning bush of Christ’s love from which the next Moses heard the voice of God? When we realize that that is what we are called to do, to love and be loved by the Creator, then why not try to be fire? Is it so far fetched as to believe that you or I can make that difference? As a contemplative, I have long believed that we are all good, created in God’s image, if we will but let it happen. We are called to be that burning bush to the world.

Thomas Traherne wrote these words about the Cross:

“Tree set on fire, fire with invisible Flames.

that Illuminateth all the World

The Flame of Love”

We just finished celebrating the birth of the Spark of Light returning to the world in the form of the little Child. Thirty three years later, that spark, from that Cross Traherne writes about above, erupted into the Light that Illuminates the world to this day. We are called to be burning bushes.

TMM

 

 

Today is the day of revelation, which is the basic meaning of the Greek word that we get epiphany from, to show. Growing up as a Protestant and especially as a Baptist, most of these days from the traditional church calendar are things I have had to learn. In talking with my wife about this day, I learned even more, that the Magi are representative of the message of Christ being sent to the gentiles. It makes sense and broadens the tradition of Christmas to touch all of the world.

But, what does that have to do with a Protestant? Or any of us really? Well everything actually. If you believe, as I do, that the Presence of the Sacred is in every human being, then this day celebrates that “connection to all other sacred spirits. The “epiphany” that we are all part of something so much greater than ourselves. John Donne said “no man is an island” and this day tells us that is true. That as we celebrate the arrival of what Christians name as the Light of the World, we must also celebrate that the Light came to ALL.

Have you or I ever celebrated that on Epiphany? That Light has been given to all? The other part of my creation of this blog is that I want (wanted) to write a book called Confessions of a Messy Mystic. A confession is an “acknowledgement of some personal fact the person would ostensibly prefer to keep hidden”. I write this blog about things that I learn from life, the Sacred, and from those aha moments that I kinda wish I already knew and am often embarrassed that I had not realized.

So this confession looks at my realization that I rarely celebrate that all are welcome to the Sacred. All is a really big word. In the second act of my life I am done with the rigid observance of rules. Rohr would say that indicates a level of immaturity and Lord knows I spent enough time there.  So today, I am going to grow up spiritually and celebrate the Light in the world. Every person. My dear friends in Sultan Battery, Kerala, India; my friends in France; my Buddhist mate in Perth; all of them are filled with that light because this day we celebrate that one Light coming to all.

TMM

I love Advent and Christmas. I would celebrate it every single day if I could get my wife to leave the tree up and let me listen to Christmas carols. No, really, not kidding! I would surely do it. But, I am a realist and know that every season must come and go. Today is the Twelfth Day of Christmas, for those who know the traditional Church calendar. Tomorrow is Epiphany. My love of the season revolves around the new year, which for Christians begins with the first Sunday of Advent and the new year beginning with the celebration of the birth of the Christ.

Now, let’s just be clear, I do know that Christians co-opted the pagan holiday of Yule and the Christmas tree, and lots more and that Jesus was likely born in the Spring. But why did Christians choose this time?  Simple, pagans knew something special, that on the darkest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, there was still a spark of light in the world. Gaia, or whatever you might choose to call it, there was still a spark of light in the world at the darkest time. Christians chose that time to be in agreement with a very ancient tradition and so celebrate that new light, the baby Jesus, coming into the world.

It is great joy, a time of childlike wonder. But, for me it is childlike wonder about the goodness and nature of every human. I told you I was a mystic and nowhere is the mystery greater than is discovering a certain relationship, that of the Creator to the creation.  In the Genesis story, it relates that God breathes the breath of life (Holy Spirit) into the man (sorry folks just citing the Bible) and that truly brings life. It is that moment that humankind becomes a creation in the Sacred’s own image.  And I believe that every human on the planet is that image.

No, I do not believe in the utter depravity of the reformed church. Every creation of the Sacred is carrying that breath of life, so for me, utter depravity cannot be true. Do people “miss the mark” (the meaning of the word we translate as sin)? Oh, yeah, this messy mystic for sure, but we are all created for good, that being to love and be in love with the Sacred. So, when I celebrate the season, my childlike wonder is that every person is filled with the Spirit of the Sacred. Learning how to treat each of them as that Holy creation is a trick I am still working on.

So here’s a challenge for you……go through just one day seeking the Spirit in every single person you encounter that day. Mother Theresa said she saw the face of the suffering Christ in every poor, starving, sick person she served in India. What if your Epiphany is finding that face tomorrow, on the day of Epiphany and every day after that?

TMM

I want to welcome you to this new blog. I named it the messy mystic for several reasons. First, when I met my new wife, her first contact with my adult daughter resulted in an email response that said “he’s a mess, but he’s the best kind of mess.” I suppose I am at that. So, first and foremost, to honor that minister daughter of mine, I am honored that one so talented loves this old mess.  And, make no mistake, I am a royal mess most of the time, but I believe that is a good thing.

The second part of this has to do with being a mystic, which I also am. I am a Christian Mystic in every sense of the word. Carl McColman wrote an entire book about it and I highly recommend it to you if you want to really read about being a mystic. A Christian Mystic looks at God’s love for the world and sending Jesus to the world as a true mystery. There is no good reason for the Creator of the Universe to care about me, or anyone of us and yet She does!

This blog has to do with my desire to express my heart as a contemplative Christian mystic. I believe that I am Abba’s Child (thank you Brennan Manning) and I believe that many of my friends have benefitted from the times we have shared chatting about things spiritual and philosophical. My hope is that I can have chats with many people who can find a place where they can explore new ways of looking at life. I wish I had been able to ask questions and share thoughts when I first found contemplative life. I pray that this will be that sort of place for you.  Fr. Richard Rohr, in his book Falling Upward, talks about the two parts of life and that it is important to have a way to talk about how to move to that second part of life. Had I had a spiritual director (unknown to this former Southern Baptist all those years ago) I would have had a place to find those answers. So, this blog might just be a place for others to get to ask what I had to figure out on my own, or had to wait to find that director that could point me in the right direction.

So, here we are at the third reason. I want this blog to be a place where anyone can discuss anything. I have dear friends who are pagan, and they are welcome to come and discuss and comment. I have friends from all denominations and from around the world, some are Buddhist, some are Muslim, some……..well, some are just themselves. I have strong opinions and ideas, but well it is my blog. You are welcome to disagree but I will not argue with you or fight with you. I will not insult you or your intelligence, please don’t insult mine. I teach social welfare policy in two universities and those needs of the poor will show up here as well, because I believe that I am my brother’s (and sister’s) keeper and because I take seriously Christ’s command to “do unto the least of these my children”.  All are welcome here, but be aware, I just might challenge what you think! I don’t care what you think, that is up to you, but it must at least be well considered.

Now, like any good John Wayne movie, I should supply my bonifides. I was licensed to the ministry in 1972 in a Southern Baptist church and went to Baylor University as a religion major and “preacher boy”. I discovered social work in my Junior year and discovered it fit my calling and my heart. I hold a BA in social work from Baylor, and an MSSW and Ph.D in social work from U.T. Arlinton. Over the years I have never stopped studying the Scripture and reading many great books from many traditions. I am a lay Cistercian of the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani in Kentucky, the home of the monk, Thomas Merton. I have been a spiritual director to several and received spiritual direction from several. I am a licensed Master social worker and have done 38 years of therapy for folks to help them get their lives on track. But always, there was the Christ, without whom, I am nothing but a  hopelessly lost mess. Or as my college students would say (yes, I am a college professor at a historically black college) I would be a hot mess. But I can do all things through Christ, so here I am , writing as the messy mystic and hoping that your heart might find a word you can relate to.

TMM