Month: January 2016

I have hurry sickness. We all have it. It is that inability to stop. To wait. To be still. It is the “gift” of our society. I have had the honor of going to France and training with the grandmaster of my martial art style. I love France, the country side (Southern France), the people and most of all, the pace of life. They just don’t seem to hurry. Lunch is at least a 2 hour affair. Meals are a mini-celebration, a social event. The French find fast food places, like McDonald’s (yes, they have those) to be a novelty, but even there, people come and take your order at a table.

Why do we eat in the car? Where is it we are in such a hurry to get to? And, what would happen if we were late, or didn’t go at all? Would the world end? I read a great deal, both personal and professional readings. Lately, it seems that all of the spiritual reading I do is about being in the moment, paying attention to the here and now and living mindfully.

The wonderful writer and minister, Frederick Bueckner tells of a drive he was on to a speaking engagement, when suddenly he noticed the trees were waving at him. Now, before you worry about this now 89 year old, blessed minister and writer, think about the notion. He writes about suddenly noticing that the living Eternal was present in all that he was seeing in the world as he drove the car.  I have had moments like that. I used to drive 45 minutes to work through the beautiful pine forest of Deep East Texas and there were days when I felt the overwhelming presence of the Eternal, alive and vibrating in that forest. I have felt it on long walks at my beloved Abbey of Gethsemani in the knobs of Kentucky.

The Eternal will not let me go on this point. It keeps coming up, to be and live mindfully. To take a lesson from trees and French friends: this moment is full of possibility, be absorbed in it. Give yourself to it. Let it overwhelm you and surround you. Bueckner makes a great point: all that we see is the Kingdom Jesus kept talking about. We are called to be mindful of that kingdom. We are  called to seek that kingdom, to be still and “know that I am God”.

It comes home to me when I realize that I am the kingdom. That what we seek the most, to live in the kingdom of God, as the model prayer speaks of it, we have but to turn inward. What we seek the most, the Beloved, is in us. To find the kingdom of God is truly to turn inside, where the Beloved indwells us. Come on, you already knew that! You have those moments where you are filled to bursting with a fierce love of God. Imagine if we each lived mindfully of the Beloved in us, in all living things around us.

Come on, you know you want to: slow down, drink in all that is the Eternal, the deep lover of your soul. Practice the presence. Wash dishes to the joy of the Eternal. Work, garden, eat your meal, drink your coffee, drive your car, all in the total awareness of the moment. Oh my, what would each day be like? We would all live longer, happier and healthier lives. We would most certainly slow down and we would KNOW.

TMM

As a college professor, I teach courses about community and organizations. It is interesting to watch young college students as they begin to understand the structure of community. They have lived in a community, well multiple communities really, all their lives without understanding or even considering what that means. As they develop their knowledge, they begin to understand their responsibilities and roles within the community. In our case, the college community they live in 9 months out of the year.

And, like all college students, mostly they complain about their community and expect the faculty, staff and administration to fix it. They don’t get off that easy with me because I point out that if they don’t like their community, they are responsible for changing it. That really bugs them and they are not alone, it seems to bother everyone living in community. Don’t you believe me? Well then look at the current political campaigns, where citizens look to the politicians to make their world better.

The same is true in religious/spiritual communities. We go to church and expect that pastor (or sunday school teacher) to teach us, tell us what is right and wrong, and give direction to our lives. When we do that we abdicate our responsibility. In the book of Hebrews, we are called to “gather as community” and to “inspire each other to greater love and righteousness” (The Voice). Imagine if we all went to church with that goal in mind. Ask not what your church can do for you but what you can do for your church, to steal a bit from JFK. That is our responsibility as members of a spiritual community.

And, in these politically charged days, imagine what would happen if we took that same responsibility for our town, state, and nation. To inspire our communities to Love and Righteousness. Wouldn’t that be an interesting place to live? Gandhi said to “be the change you wish to see in the world”.  Simple words to read, complex words to live by.

My wife and I are new members of a church. Being in community is important to us and makes our lives complete. As we become part of this community, it is important that we keep our responsibilities in mind. That we go to church to inspire others to love and acts of charity. That we be the kind of community members that give first to the spiritual community. This is important to me, my daughter is a minister and she experiences first hand how people really act in church. They expect their pastor to give all and do all, while they sit back and take. Most of the work in church is done by a handful of people. Isn’t that sad?

So, I resolve to be what I am called to be in my communities. An inspiration to love and doing good deeds. At home, at the college, at church and in my online spiritual community. Please do your pastor (and my daughter) a favor: be the change you want to see at your church. Trust me, you will receive far more than you can imagine.

 

TMM

I love surprises. I never wanted to peek at Christmas. My brother, however, always wanted to. My daughter is like her uncle, she doesn’t much like surprises either and I know that she knew every hiding place for presents in the house. My mother liked surprises too and I guess that is where I get it from.

It seems that we are called to be surprised if we are called to be followers of the Eternal. Surprised by the beauty of a sunrise, a sunset, how beautiful our significant other is, on their worst day! But that means we have to pay attention, it means we have to look for the beauty. Patricia Lunetta writes a poem about the end of the day, about seeing a blue heron and taking the time to watch the great bird. She ends the poem with this:

“Stay awake, Holiness may spread its wings for you at any moment.”

I read those words and think, “how many times have I slept through Holiness?” How much have I missed by letting the day rule me instead of me ruling my days? Would the world really end if I took a few minutes to enjoy, to be surprised? And what if I turned my phone off, would anything so terribly important happen? I need to wake up and stay awake longer.

Surprises are all around us but we have to look for them. We have to believe in them. We have to hope for them. I have been surprised by the kindness of people I met in India. Their hospitality is amazing, even the poorest of people practice hospitality. I have been surprised by the resiliency of  people who have been through so much and still can find joy, like the terribly poor children of Alexander Township in South Africa, playing and laughing in abject poverty.

I am making a pact with myself, to watch for the Eternal, for Holiness as often as possible and then a little more.  I am reminded of the New Testament story of the bridesmaids. Half prepared for a longer wait, half did not. The ones who were prepared with enough oil for their lamps were surprised by the joy of meeting the bridegroom and being part of the wedding. That parable was about looking for, no, planning for being surprised.

So, I think I am going to keep enough oil on hand so that when the surprises come, I can light my lamp and see the surprise. Actually, that happens every morning, at Dawn, when all of creation has the lights turned on with the sunrise and we can see all of the surprises the Eternal has to offer.

 

TMM

My mother used the phrase “monkey see, monkey do” any time she thought I was just doing what others were doing and not what I should do. And, she was probably right every time (I keep telling you I am a mess!). As a child and youth, I wanted so badly to be accepted, I did whatever I could to fit in.

Interestingly enough, “monkey see, monkey do” is exactly what I should be doing every day. So, there mom, I was right after all.   Well, no not exactly. It kinda depends on who it is your are mimicking. Who your “monkey” is so to speak. And it turns out, the New Testament even talks about this. Hey, maybe I am not such a mess after all.

In the Gospel of John (Chapter 5) it talks about the Son only doing what he is led to do by the Father. It goes on to say that the Son watches the Father closely and then does what the Father does. Then an even more interesting response, the Father, knowing this, hides nothing from the Son. It turns out it is not what would Jesus do, but what has the Father already done.

Now think of this flow, I do what the Eternal leads me to do. How do I know what that is? By watching what the Eternal does in the world. Then, I do what I see being done and the more I watch and do, the more the Eternal reveals to me, holding nothing back, because the Eternal loves me deeply. It turns out that if I mimic (ape, to keep with my mom’s saying) the Eternal, I behave as his firstborn Son did and I become the Living Word. I always wanted to fit in, now I know which “crowd” to follow.

We are all called to the Eternal. We are filled with the warm shining spark of the Eternal. If we will watch, if we will look, all that we need to do and know will be revealed to us. It is everywhere around us, nature, co-workers, grand babies, loving daughters (even ones who think you are a mess) and the only prayer we need is “open my eyes that I may see.” And then, “monkey see, monkey do”. Now,  how’s that for Monkey Business????

Thanks Mom.

 

TMM

 

TMM

It is always difficult to find balance. As a martial artist, I know that “stealing” my opponent’s balance is the key to throwing them. Without going too deeply into the analogy, when your balance is disturbed you do indeed fall more easily. So, what exercises help with balance?

Self-awareness is the first place to exercise. Knowing what it is that disturbs you most helps you to seek balance when others or life try to disturb that balance. The second might come as a surprise but it is self-esteem. I know me, I know that I have weaknesses and that those weaknesses started at the very beginning of my life. In those days, I was worthless, never good enough, and believed that I was not smart enough. That has impacted my life for lo, these many years.

While how I see myself has helped me to be a good therapist and led me to be a contemplative, it has also been a life long wrestling match for balance. I am always the peacemaker, even when I don’t necessarily want to be. It makes me the negotiator you want when people are upset and I am good at it. But, it also makes people believe that I am weak, passive, and easily manipulated. And that hurts and has cost me a great deal over the years. And, I think what is worse is that it hooks in to my age old issues of self-esteem.

Being marginalized is the worst feeling in the world. It makes you feel like you don’t matter and that is where the fight for balance begins. The fight ends with realizing that if the Savior of the World was ignored, marginalized, disrespected and destroyed how can I demand to be treated better? And that is where the need for balance comes into play. I fight to be less and less each day, to not be the center of attention in this world and that is the tough part of the battle. It is the right thing to do, but it hooks into very painful feelings. And I am thinking that you are like me, you fight the good fight and find it painful when you lose the daily battle and give in to your own needs.

Well, my friends, as they say at church, hear the Assurance of Pardon: being you is not a sin. Who you are is not a sin. We are created in the image of the Living God and we are good enough the way we are right now, warts and all. We all fight this battle, the sin part comes in, I think, when we stop fighting, not when we lose a round in the fight.

TMM

I wonder about a lot of things, don’t you? I tried to decide, had we won the billion dollar powerball, where I would spend all that money. My college, my church, my family, a few friends, life would be good for us all. Alas, not one number was right.  But, I still wonder about my students, my teaching, my life, my future. I think this is normal and natural.

A version of wondering is “what if” games. These are the games we play out of fear, pain, hurt, or longing:  what if I had gotten in that car that wrecked? What if I had married someone else? What if I had just done what my mother told me to do (or father or priest or…….)? What would have happened then? And these are the questions that cause us to be filled with guilt and remorse.

I believe these sorts of “wonderings” (the what if kind) are very destructive and actually trap us in our guilt and remorse. And, I must say, I have heard a great deal of this type of demand to wonder from pulpits

I know better now. I know that there is no one certain and  sure path for any life. Instead, our calling to know the will of God is to realize that the will of God is simple in the understanding: love God, love your neighbor, love yourself. It is the love of God that is God’s will for you and me. Not the have to, not the should have, not even the if only. No, seeking God’s will for my life means to seek those places where I can love more, care more, touch more, and be that example of what love means. So, I know that if I had married differently years ago, there would still be a wonderful woman who is just about the best minister I know. My daughter would exist, because a soul like that is needed by God in this old world.

As a mystic, I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that things happen and that the spiritual life is about making sense out of whatever might come our way. Buddha was right, whatever path you are on, light your candle and follow it. For a  mystic, that candle is the Light of the World.

TMM

So, even after all of these years, it is still hard to explain to others what a Christian Mystic really is. I have actually been asked if that is like being a magician or a sorcerer.  Hmmm, tempting titles but no, that isn’t it at all. Evelyn Underhill, a British mystic in the early to middle part of the 20th century said it this way: Mysticism is the  art of union with Reality. The mystic is a person who has attained that union in greater or less degree; or who aims at and believes in such attainment.

And then it dawned on me, I have been a mystic all of my spiritual life. In May 1971, my life changed forever when I found out that the Sacred knew me, loved me, wanted to spend time with me and was already within me. I remember, from that very first night, feeling in my soul, that there was something very deep there. Across the years, that deep seeking and longing got covered up and encrusted by dogma, religion and lack of understanding. But always, inside, I just knew that there was more, that I was more, that the Eternal was so much more that all of the rules and have too s and should nots.

Then, today, it dawned on me while reading Underhill that I have always longed for that union. Always thought that it was the key, not following rules or reading correctly. I know now that the reason I did not end up as a minister is that the denomination I was in held no answers for my soul. I am not regretful, just pointing out the experience. Social work did provide that depth, that seeking of the deeper and more important things not provided by a Baptist upbringing that rarely acknowledges mysticism or contemplation. I wonder, what if I had been Catholic, a group who gave rise to Christian contemplation, would I have been a monk?  I think it is possible.

Do I regret my life? Most certainly not, but I wonder where I would be had I had the least little inkling of the mystical in my very soul. I have always written, always tried for words to explain and express my heart. It is why I was a good therapist and am a pretty decent professor.

I write this blog because I have to, it pours out of me, needs to escape. I have always been this messy mystic, with the gift of insight and discernment. A longing for that union with Reality. It is  safe to say I have not  arrived, but I believe each day that I try, I am one step closer to that Living Reality. It is my hope that you will not wait as long as I did, but will look inside now. Seek to discover your heart’s desire. Mine has always been to find that Eternal love that was awakened in 1971. I’m on the path now, it is glorious. Go ahead, give it a try, it is the second part of the spiritual life. Live beyond  the rules, the dogma and let Love conquer all.  Perfect Love casts out all fear.

 

TMM

I enjoy role playing, being in plays, wearing a disguise. It’s fun to be free by not being yourself. Like the tv show where the boss dresses up as someone else, it can be enlightening and/or revealing to move among the “people”  so to speak and learn what they might say about you that they would not say to you.

I know that God uses disguises all the time. At any given time the Sacred comes to us as a puppy, a child, a tree, a flower, a beautiful sunset, a moment, a prayer, a Muslim, a Hindu, even maybe an Atheist.  The Sacred is anywhere and everywhere so none of the above are far fetched. I have seen the Sacred in the face of a mentally ill person and in an intellectually disabled person. In the shining smile of my minister daughter and in the wise face of my 94 year old aunt.  If this is true, and I am sure it is, then I have to think of a couple of things.

First, do I say to God’s face the same things I say about God? What I mean is am I honest about what my life says as opposed to what my heart or prayers say? Do  I talk to the world with my life the way I think I do? It is supposed to match you know, who I am and how I act.  I confess, that is hard work and I have to work at that every day.

The second thing to think about is am I looking for God in all the right places? Am I looking for the Sacred everywhere? In the words my wife says to me? In the faces of my college students? In the face of a person I have no real use for? In the glory of the new day?  Paula D’Arcy says, “God comes to us disguised as our lives”. I think she is right. Mother Theresa said she could work with the poor of India only because she saw “the face of the Suffering Christ” in each and every face.

As I have studied and thought, over and over again I hear the word awareness. Now as a  martial arts instructor, I teach this every day, to be aware of surroundings, your opponent, of yourself.  I need to live more aware in the spiritual realm…..seeing truly that the Sacred is disguised as my life. If I am aware, truly aware, then I will see Her in all that is around me. And, like I read a day or two ago, be able to see that the life I always wanted, I already have and that I need to pay more attention to it.

TMM

I have been a person of Faith for 45 years. I was the Sacred’s from the beginning but then in 1971 I found out that the Sacred truly loved me and wanted a relationship with me and that was when I realized my salvation. Since then, I have been a person of Faith. Little did I know that it was not a one time gift, but something that takes a great deal of work.

I was thinking this morning, where did I learn that faith was a one time thing that was the perfect gift given and that if it wasn’t perfect, it was my fault because I was too sinful. I have heard so many sermons over the years where all of the wonders of faith were explained and all of the pains of lack of faith also explained. However, in none of those sermons, including a good number that I delivered myself, did I ever hear that faith was something you work on daily, that Paul was right, “work out your own salvation in fear and trembling”.

Then, I read some lines by Carl McColman, a wonderful author and a Lay Cistercian of the Holy Spirit Abbey in Georgia. McColman writes, “Our faith matters because it invites us to remember our identity……faith invites us back to that place where we shine like the sun”. So to be a person of faith is to practice it every day, to develop those habits that keep us faithful. Like praise, prayer, humility, gratitude. So why aren’t more sermons about  the skills to grow in faith and that being faithful always brings us back to being Abba’s child?

I think we want easy answers, ones that are the same every time. But Rohr has a good point, that is faith for the first part of life and it is immature and limiting. Faith, as it matures, calls us to see the world and ourselves the way the Sacred does, each of us as joyous and beautiful lights shining for all the world to see. That is easy to write, difficult for me to believe about myself, but I am trying. I am practicing at my faith every day. It is the journey, not the destination that matters after all.

TMM

I am, in some ways a dinosaur when it comes to church. A throwback to the old hymns, the old styles of worship and yet, I am actually the first of the new generation of praise and change in church. Yes, me, the dinosaur. You see I am of an age where I was a “Jesus Freak” as the saying went. I was one of the first to get the new sing and celebrate book that brought contemporary music right into the church. And, more than a few old deacons did not approve. We didn’t care with long hair, sandals and jeans in church.

So fast forward 45 plus years and here I am loving Liturgy and longing for the old hymns. I go to a new church that does old things in new ways and it is one of the things that has captured my imagination. To hear an old hymn set to new music, to say the Creed with a background of guitar, drum and piano music, to recite the Lord’s Prayer with that same soft background music. I have to remind myself that it is about the praising of God. That we are blessing the Sacred.

Does that sound outlandish, us blessing God instead of the other way around? Scripture supports it but it doesn’t rest well with us: complimenting/blessing the Creator. And then I read and re-read that poem by Augustine. We learn to love a new life and that is learning to sing a new song. He reminds us that we must be sure our life matches the words of the song, but he ends with this very important idea, one I cannot let go of today: the praise contained in the song, is the singer.

Think of the depth of that, our life is our song to God and the praise contained in the song is us…….take a moment to let the import of that seep in, we are the Sacred’s sacred hymn sung to the world. Me, I am that song, my life is that praise. And, I am the hymn people learn to recognize Christ by in the world. I think I need to sing better each day.

 

TMM