Author: phil.farmer@gmail.com

In the social work profession, students are taught never to ask a client “why”. It is a hard habit to get out of isn’t it? We start about the time we can talk to say “why”. At two, it is repetitive and parents quickly grow weary of answering the question. The worst persons to ask this of are teenagers. Their standard response is, “I don’t know”. And, they probably don’t, to be honest. Teenagers operate on mostly emotion without thinking about it or reasoning out a response.

The truth is, we are all very bad about asking why. We do it to ourselves when we say, “why did I do that”. We especially do it when something bad happens. It quickly comes out, “why me”. You know it is true, I do too because of how many times I have asked that. My question to us all is, have we ever gotten a satisfactory answer to why me?

I know the answers offered: God has a plan; trust God’s wisdom; we don’t see as God does; and, God’s ways are not man’s ways. These are all lousy answers and simply untrue. Additionally, these are poor theology. There is but one answer to “why” when bad things happen and that is: That’s life. And, we hate that answer because when we get it, we have no one to blame for our misfortune or our loss or our pain.

The truth is,”why“is and always has been the wrong question. Instead, our question should be “what now”? When I have tried to give comfort to those who have experienced loss, I forego the need for answers to why. I am simply present with them at thatmoment and help them consider, what now? I have been through this several times. I lost my whole immediate family in a 14 month period. There is not now nor has there ever been a satisfactory answer to “why”. You can cite ill health, cancer, and more but that doesn’t really answer why now, why this way, etc.

We need to learn to live with “I don’t know” or “I am not sure”. Most of us hate that, we live in a world dominated by rationality, reasons and the demand for answers. This is how we are enculturated, but this is unrealistic. The world we live in and the lives we are given are part of a greater whole. Life flows and sometimes is has speed bumps or mountains or chasms. The question when these happen is, “what now?” And the one promise we can cling to is no matter what answer to that question we choose, we will never go through it alone. We are and always have been One with the Creator of all.

TMM

The topic is and is not about the book in the New Testament. In the case of the Bible, there is much argument about the book and what it means. It isn’t the point here to join the arguments, it is to talk about the word and what it means. The basic meaning is to make something known. In the case of the New Testament, it means to reveal something new or astounding about God.

What about the ordinary everyday revelation? Like having it revealed that you were in love with that one girl. If it was in public school days, then you were often embarrassed for that to get out. There is something to consider and that is that what was revealed was already there, you just didn’t want it to get out.

Have you ever had a personal revelation? There was something always there and suddenly, it became known. It came to mind. It jumped out at you from something you had not seen that way. The biggest revelation we will ever have is when we discover that the Living Creator of the universe has and is within us this whole time. I believe that is the moment of “salvation”.

The Gospels indicate that the resurrection of Christ is our “salvation”. It can be better said as the salvific moment. Here is the point, it is not new information, it is not a prophecy come true, it is a revelation of something already there. In fact, it is ancient. It has been there since the universe began.

And I guess that brings it back to the New Testament. If Revelation is about what is already there, what does that book in the Bible really mean? Is it a prophecy? Is it a look at what was happening at the time? Or is it revealing age old truths that have always been there? It is not for me to choose for you. It is my goal to move you (and me) to a new perspective and possibility.

The second great revelation in life is when you understand that the Creator of the universe is personal and wants to work on that relationship with you. God has always wanted that relationship with us. When that is revealed to us, maybe we ought to believe it.

TMM

This is a great word. It means to truly “look inside”, that is to see the true nature of something. It is an important gift when you are a therapist or counselor. To truly see what the client means and needs is very important to the process. What is much harder is to apply that gift to ourselves.

At the heart of contemplative life is insight. Most of all to turn inward and see the true nature of….well….ourselves. This is powerful and difficult. We are our own worst enemies because we usually see ourselves through the veil of guilt and shame. That is not the insight God wishes us to have. He wants us to see ourselves for who really are, that is true, but who we really are in God. Sinner but forgiven and deeply loved is who we truly are.

There are those that are perfectly happy with who they see when they look inside. That is a different but very real problem. People who are satisfied with who they are, quite often are afraid of who they will find if they truly look at themselves. The most “holy” people I know are satisfied with who they are, but always in God. They have come to terms with being a sinner and have learned to see themselves (and others) through the veil of forgiving love.

True insight is just that, honest reflection about who we are, in God. But there is another aspect of insight that is equally important and that is to apply the same to others. We start with the Jesus prayer as we see ourselves: Lord have mercy on me a sinner. That is not all there is however. We then turn that self-understanding of being loved in God toward all other persons. It is only then that we can “pray for our enemies”.

Think of the flow, we turn insight on ourselves, seeing how God sees us and then we turn it on others. Seeing others the way God sees them is not as easy as it seems. Insight is also opening our eyes to how we see and treat others. I intend to turn the eyes of God, as they are applied to me, toward every person I meet. Come on, join me. Won’t it make us better people and the world a better place?

TMM

“There comes a time when silence becomes betrayal”. This quote from Dr. King is powerful. It speaks to, well speaking up. I do not like conflict and confrontation. I have had to deal with it in therapy sessions so many times. No, not clients angry at me, clients having to confront things within themselves. It is painful to watch and even more painful to lead a client to where they need to go inside themselves that is filled with such conflict.

I have become skilled at it over time, though mostly by necessity. I was often the person in the agency that got all of the referrals for angry persons. I do not enjoy the confrontation, but I am good at helping to resolve it. As I have moved deeper and deeper into contemplative life, there are just somethings I cannot let pass.

It often comes up when I might express an alternative vision or explanation of a situation. Whatever someone believes is their choice. I confront these beliefs when they are expressed as the only way or the best way to see things. This is usually said in fear and/or defensiveness. I have encountered many who simply cannot let other viewpoints into their lives.

When your words or beliefs hurt others, I cannot remain silent. You see what we often miss is that the betrayal Dr. King refers to is twofold. If I allow others to make what are called micro-aggressions toward another race or religion, that will eventually lead to those aggressions changing from micro to macro and I have betrayed those groups. But worse than that, I have betrayed myself! I say I stand for Christ in this world but when I remain silent and see what goes on around me, I betray the very life I claim to follow.

It is important to take inventory regularly. What are you being silent about that is allowing others to be hurt? It is often at church that this happens but it is also in the politics of this society that it happens as well. What I know for sure is that Jesus did not remain silent. His speaking truth got him crucified. And maybe that is why we remain silent, we fear the same outcome.

It is a courageous thing to speak up. It is a necessary thing to speak up. It is betrayal when we remain silent and a single one of “the least of these My children” is hurt. Lives that belong to God that go unfed, unclothed, unvisited and ignored. Let’s strive, this day, to speak up, to not be silent and to no longer betray those who so deeply need love.

TMM

As a child, my mother would often remind me that doing what others are doing is not usually a wise choice. She would say, “don’t let them draw you in”. She sure knew me well, when I was a child and up through my early twenties, I just wanted to be accepted, to be part of something, to be welcomed.

My confession here is for a purpose, I could (and still can be) drawn into things that were quite often negative because of my internal needs. I would not do just anything to be accepted, but I would do a lot. The truth is, it is hard to resist just fitting in with others, even today. I am betting that in those moments you are honest with yourself, you too find it easy to be drawn in.

Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes we need to be drawn into good things. The Sacred is constantly offering things to us that should draw us in to the best things in life. The price here though is that we must be honest about who we are and what we are motivated by. It is quite true that you can do good things and sin! Sin means to miss the mark, to do it your way and for your motives rather than God’s way.

I believe that in the Our Father (Lord’s prayer) this is what is meant by “lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil”. We need to be delivered from the evil that is our own ego. Our own needs that we want to find ways to fill on our own, instead of being honest with ourselves. If we choose to remain unreflective about ourselves, we run the very real risk of being “tempted” to being drawn in by our own ego and our own need to be loved or accepted.

If we will look first at ourselves in an honest way, we will see ourselves as God does, forgiven and loved. This is the only way to avoid being drawn into negative and often hurtful thoughts and acts. If we are hurting, our tendency is to hurt others. Let’s instead love ourselves as the Sacred does and the we will immediately know how to love those who do not love us. Let love draw us in!

TMM

We all carry burdens don’t we? Those things that just weigh us down. It might be worry, or fear, or need. These are burdens unseen. I know a young athlete, a fabulous player who recently felt the burden to perform so deeply that it ruined his performance for awhile. He had been told that he had to carry the whole team and he got it into his head that this was true, so of course he tried harder and harder and produced less and less.

This young man truly is a gifted athlete, one good enough to be a professional, but he had it all wrong and so did his coach. The truth is, he has to be better than no one, he just has to be himself and that is way more than good enough. He took a few days away and found himself again. The smile that came back to his face was joyous and as you might guess, his performance came back to his high standards.

It is a young age to learn this lesson, but he needed it. It made him a better player. You see, without knowing it, he was stealing from his team mates by not valuing their contributions. He didn’t mean to do this, but his coach led him to that place, held him up as the “great hope” and so took away from the other players. He now knows that he cannot be responsible for the performance of others. This will make him a great ball player and an even better social worker when his career is over.

And now, what about us? Are you like me and take on the burdens of others? If you do a good job, they put more on you to do because you are good at it and if you and I are not careful, we start to carry all of the weight. That is actually deadly. It leads to heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety and ill health. I have begun to learn that I am not that important, regardless of what others want me to believe.

I am letting others take responsibility for themselves. I still care about folks, don’t get me wrong, but I cannot carry the load. No, let me rephrase, I will not carry the load of others anymore. I have nothing to prove, I am good enough just as I am. There is nothing wrong with saying no to those extra burdens.

I fight it every day. I learned from my minister daughter that the reason ministers wear a stole is that it represents the yoke of Christ. Jesus said his burden was easy, the yoke fits comfortably and is never too heavy. Let’s agree to carry only the yoke of Christ. Let’s let other people carry their own yokes. They will never get stronger if we do it for them.

TMM

When I went off to a large Baptist university in the early 70s, dancing was not allowed on campus. Somewhere it was a Baptist thing that dancing was not good, so there were no dances on campus. That took another 20 years or so to change, but it finally did change. Dancing is good exercise and can be beautiful to watch. Think ballet or even the professional dancers on a particular television show.

I didn’t dance very well until I began to practice martial arts. That process taught me to move with grace and balance. I am very proud of the compliments I have gotten when people watch me do martial arts or do them with me. I teach a martial art, the founder of which loves to dance and shows how those movements are natural and powerful.

Richard Rohr, the Franciscan priest and author wrote a book called The Divine Dance. The book is a wonderful look at the interaction of the Christian Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That by itself makes it a good book to read, but it directs us to so much more. This Divine dance is going on all around us, all of the earth is in a dance with its Creator!

I don’t care whether you think you can dance or not, I want you to know this: the Creator of All wants to dance with you. It is an intimate dance and God is always a willing partner. Stop being shy or self conscious, your Partner could care less about that. Thomas Merton once said, “dance you tepid idiot”! I think I know what he meant now. We all have the ultimate dance partner, why be shy? No matter how many times you might step on God’s toes, just keep dancing. It is Sacred after all.

TMM

I truly do love to build things. Not that I am all that good at it but I do love the effort, the exercise, the need for precision. When I build, it is something like a deck and no, please don’t ask me to do it for you. I can plan it for you, order the materials but I have arrived at an age where I would prefer to supervise.

Now would be a good time to wonder, what is he going on about here? Well, the point is about foundations. I have just finished the foundation for a deck at home and it made me keep thinking, if I get this right, it will last forever and will look good and support all of the things I want to put on it. It has taken time though, I had to shift here, adjust there, speak with God a few times, and adjust the plans. In the end, it is level, square and just what it needed.

That is exactly what God is trying to teach us all. Build a good foundation and stick with it until it is just right. Once that is complete, you can build most anything on it and it will last. The foundation, as I believe it to be, is Christ. There was a moment in my life when it all came together perfectly – God and I were one. It was a sacred and special moment that I have only had a few of since, but that moment planted the cornerstone.

In that first moment, I knew the building could be really nice. Sadly, there was no one to really tell me how to finish that foundation. I had to mostly figure it out myself. I had a few contributors along the way, adding a suggestion here and there, but I have spent so many years getting it square, level and plumb. That is wrong. Where was the Church? Where were those Christians that were supposed to help me get this right?

For my new deck, my lovely wife was able to help on a few days and it was so much easier! It was so much faster! And the shared experience was exquisite. I think there is an important point here. Those of us who have completed our foundations owe a debt to all of those coming behind us. We are called to help others get it right. NO, we are not there to tell them what to build, we are there to help with the foundation. What they build is up to them.

If we really are the Church, then we should be seeking out others to help with foundation work. The basics of faith, prayer, and following God each day. Good habits that we should be demonstrating and living out for others. God is Love, let us strive to live out that Love every moment. And look for those who are building their foundations. Pitch in and help, it makes what you are building for yourself even better.

TMM

Have you ever been to something or were doing something and in the end said, “well that was a disaster!” I know what we mean by that, it did not go as planned or did not work or didn’t turn out very good. I guess that is a disaster of sorts, but in truth, is it really a disaster?

On the wall of my study hangs a wall hanging of the hymn, “It is well with my soul”, written by Horatio Spafford in the 1800s. The story of this hymn is well known but I think only in part. He wrote the hymn after the death of his four daughters in a tragedy at sea, one in which only his wife survived. That is disaster enough but what is not so well known is that he had lost a 4 year old son to scarlet fever before this and would lose another 3 year old son to scarlet fever after this disaster.

Even more, he was a prominent lawyer in Chicago and had large land holdings across the city, most of which were lost in the great Chicago fire. Now, that can easily be called a disastrous life and you would not be wrong. What is more, he died at age 60 himself. Through it all, he never gave up, never quit, never gave in to tragedy, to disaster.

I love this hymn all the more knowing the whole history of this man’s life. I am not sure I could survive so many broken heart experiences, one after the other after the other. And yet, he said, “It is well with my soul”! I cannot imagine that, but would certainly like to think that at the end of my days I could say, “whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul”.

I believe that Wesley understood this when he encouraged his “methodist” church members to meet in small groups and to have as their soul topic this question: “how is it with your spirit [soul]?” How is it with your spirit today?

TMM

A number of years ago, I had a bumper sticker on my truck that had an Icthus with feet and it said, Evolve. I put that on my truck to represent other ways of thinking. What I got plenty of was unwanted gospel tracts stuck under my windshield wipers. Those not so well-intentioned Christians (I assume they were) were missing the point. We must evolve or we are frozen in time, in essence, dead.

The whole point was to encourage people to think in other ways. The actual theory of evolution as it was originally proposed has lost most of its favor in scientific circles. That being said, everything evolves, grows and changes. Our faith must be a process, an ever evolving process/discovery of love. This is how to have a living faith, to evolve to new levels of love, of hospitality, of caring.

It is scary to evolve, I get that. A friend once said, “the only people who like change are babies with dirty diapers”. Sadly, that former friend could not, himself, deal with change at all. At least he was honest. My profession of social work is ever evolving. In fact, as a professor of same, I am supposed to help move that evolution forward with writing and research.

Our faith is the same way. As I see it, one of, perhaps the leading cause of problems in the Church is the fear and discomfort that comes from evolving. In churches, power and control seem to be more important than growing in the Spirit. In the 70s, a bumper sticker said, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it!”. Does it really? Each time we read scripture we should be finding something new, something to move us forward in a faith that should never be stagnant.

A living and evolving faith is one that is becoming more and more inclusive. When we get stuck and become afraid to see things another way, to stay in our comfort zone, our faith has in essence become dead. This does not mean that traditions are not important,to remind us of matters of faith. The Eucharist, baptism, and corporate worship do indeed matter and always will. It is how we think of those things that must grow, must evolve.

When I first came to the church the Lord’s Supper was a bit of hard little cracker and a sip of grape juice. Over time, its meaning evolved to the body and blood of Christ and then on to taking in the body and blood so that I become the living body and blood of Christ to the world and then, being that body and blood, I am to do as Jesus did and feed the world with my presence. That is evolution of faith.

Oh, and it is kinda scary. To move beyond all that some churches taught me to see God in new ways is a leap of faith itself. The proof however, is that my love for myself, my neighbor and my God has grown and continues to grow. Come with me, evolve and be part of a vary large and very good universe.

TMM