Author: phil.farmer@gmail.com

Why is the one question that you never ask a teenager or, in the profession of social, you never ask the client. The reason is that there is no way to answer that question in a meaningful way. We all do things and have no really good explanation as to why. Perhaps the most painful version of this is when we have lost someone or some very difficult event has crossed our paths. We ask, “why me” or “why now”.

The real question is not why but what now? Why something happens is irrelevant. There is no good answer for that particular why. Instead, we must ask what now. You see, asking why paralyzes us and keeps us in the negative cycle of needing to understand something that cannot be understood rationally. What now moves us forward.

In the New Testament, you find the verses that say, “everything works for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purposes”. Taken at face value this seems to teach us that bad and evil things are done by God and we need to accept it. Perhaps there is another view. Perhaps the verse points us away from why and toward what now.

If you take these verses as the what now, then they make sense. In the worst of times, we are not alone and we can choose to take that experience and use it to learn something or to inspire ourselves. the part about “called according to His purposes” directs us to do things from a point of faith, that point where we put our ego (our personal needs) aside and search for the way through the ordeal.

Perhaps, just maybe, we should start each day with “what now” and look for the way through.

TMM

Have you ever been asked to do something that you just knew would not work? There are those bosses, supervisors, and even parents who ask you to do something that you don’t think will work and/or you don’t believe in. If you are like me, the response is, “you want me to do what?”

Some of those requests are things that just have to get done, no matter what and if I don’t do it, some else will have to. At work, we often call that “and other duties as assigned”. That part of your contract which is unwritten but expected.

In scripture there are several examples of this: Sarah, when she hears she will be old and pregnant has the “do what?” response. Moses had that response, “do what with Pharoah?” Perhaps the one we forget about is the wedding at Cana. You know the story, Jesus’ own mother asks him to do the impossible and resupply the wine at the wedding. And water miraculously turns to wine.

It is always taught that the lesson is about the miracle. In the Meeting God Bible (a very nice lectio divina styled bible) another point is made and that is, what about the persons filling the posts with water? YOu know for sure that one came under “other duties as assigned” because those pots of water were used to wash people’s feet when they first came to the wedding. You can just hear those servants saying, “Do What?” They were tired, they were not really part of this grand party and their feet and backs probably hurt to boot. But they did it even though they did not believe in it.

Aren’t we all that way with God? We see a path that we doubt but we know we should try. We converse with God and often start with “you want me to do what?” Silly things, you know, like forgiving others just the way God has forgiven us or remembering those who have no bread while we calmly eat ours. Or how about this one, even crazier, loving those who hate us, who are our enemies? Or perhaps the most important and craziest of all, be aware of all of those who are hungry, homeless, in prison or just in need?

This life we are called to if we say we are Christian begins with a huge “do what?” God, you want me to do what? Give up my ego, my way of doing things and trust you? Are you kidding, I cannot see how that is going to help me whatsoever. Maybe today is the day we each decide to just fill the pots with water, without even knowing what the outcome will be. Maybe faith is filling waterpots.

TMM

What’s in a name? What a profound question. Our name is what we know ourselves by, what we are used to hearing from others when they call us. It is our sense of identity. Without a name we become but a faceless number, a nobody. So names are precious.

What is in a name? In truth all that we are is in our name, it is supposed to sum us up. “When I think of ________, I think of _________. ” Fill in your name and how you want to be known or remembered. For me, it would go like this (ideally), “When I think of Phil, I think of gentleness.” Now, there is also an idea of living into or living up to your name. It is very personal and can be deeply cultural.

For some of us, our given name can inspire us. Shel Silverstein was a poet and a humorist. He wrote a poem that became a Johnny Cas song,
“A boy named Sue”. The humor of this is that the distant and absent father names his son Sue because he knew he would not be around and needed his boy to grow up tough. It is a humorous approach to the question at hand, what is in a name?

A boy named Sue, and I guess a girl name Ralph if we are to be fair, is supposed to poke fun at how we are named, but with a serious undertone of becoming aware of our names and how they impact our lives. I have a name that derives from greek of phil hippos, lover of horses. Now as a good Texan I have ridden a horse or two. I have an abiding respect for these noble animals, but love them? Nope, give me a golden retriever every time!

So, what is in a name? How about Psalm 43, where it says “I have summoned you by name, you are mine”. Suddenly, when I see and hear that the Creator of all knows my name and calls me by it to let me know I belong to that Creator, that is awesome in the true sense of the word. It is also incredibly personal, God just doesn’t call me as one of the flock, God calls me by my name and then claims me.

What if we lived up to that name that the Creator calls us by? What if we behaved and thought from a viewpoint that says the creator of all knows me personally. So for a day (growing into a lifetime) let’s rejoice in this very personal God who knows us personally and calls us to Herself by name. If there is a sense of familiarity with this notion, hear these baptismal words, “This is my son, in whom I am well pleased”. That is the Father claiming the Son as his very own.

So, dear ones, start today by hearing the Sacred One of all call you by name, summoning you personally and remember that God is well pleased with you.

TMM

I once had a martial arts student who used this phrase as the answer every time something went wrong. It was the same when this person was my college student as well. Heck, Adam did it in the Garden. God: “Did you eat that fruit I told you not to eat?” Adam: “I didn’t do it, it was that woman you gave me”. Face it, much of the time all of us begin here, I didn’t do it.

The truth is often that “I didn’t do it!” is true, you or I did not do it. Instead, we let it happen. Consider that for a minute, we let it happen. On quote that I saw awhile back indicated that when we quit talking about religion and politics in family gatherings and other “polite” settings (read church here) it was the beginning of us letting institutions act any way they want.

In my own denomination, we have allowed LBGTQI persons to become second class citizens that are welcome to come to our churches but not be a part of them. And, we point to one group or the other as the culprit. WE let this happen. We are the same way with our government at all levels. There are homeless people, “I didn’t do it”; there are people going hungry, “I didn’t do it”; and, the traditional church is dying, “I didn’t do it”.

We as Contemplatives and Christians can say all we want that it isn’t my fault, I didn’t do it and we will always be lying to ourselves. We are called to speak for those who have no voice. We are called to help the “least of His children”. That is what the series of verses is about when we just blithely go ahead and let things happen. When we do not speak up and speak out, we are complicit with the sins of society. Scripture says we will hear, “I never knew you”.

Perhaps an active faith is one that says, “I am part of the problem, what can I do to make it better?” That is what we are called to do, to make it better in our society and in our churches. But, to do this we must speak up. It is not easy and it is what got Jesus killed after all.

TMM

To be “woke” is a term I hear at my college fairly often. It is a slang sort of word that means to be aware of the underlying social justice issues and to not just accept things as they are. This matters a great deal in the communities for people of color in this country and for people who might be different with regard to religion or other cultural issues.

Being “woke” matters because it means to be aware of things the general leadership would rather you and I did not think about. In my generation, we expressed it as “don’t trust anyone over 30”. It is the notion that perhaps we should not just blindly follow authority.

I believe that this is what is happening in the organized Church today. People are waking up, are woke, to the idea that perhaps following rules blindly is not a good choice. After all, wasn’t this the issue for the Sadducees and Pharisees? They were proud of their ability to follow the law. And Jesus woke them up to a whole new way of thinking and believing.

Richard Rohr writes about the notion that we are born with the Indwelling and indestructible spirit and that we must first awaken to its presence and then choose to let it be the guide for our lives. Now this makes sense to me, we are all God’s beautiful creations but until we realize and acknowledge that it is true for us, we miss out on so much of life. This is the meaning of free will and perhaps this is what people mean when they say they “have been saved”. Perhaps they are now “woke” to what has always been going on behind the scenes of their lives.

TMM

There is an old Simon and Garfunkel song that has this as part of the refrain: the “sounds of silence”. Now, how counterintuitive is that? The sounds of silence? Doesn’t silence mean no sound? Perhaps that is not the point. We think of silence in the physical realm but is that what silence is, simply a lack of noise?

In the contemplative life, one of the things that are sought is silence and solitude. Many sincere contemplatives spend a great deal of time seeking that perfect silence, that place or space where noise is not present. This is simply not possible, even at the Abbeys around the world, the great wildernesses you might find, they are not without noise. I recently visited a beautiful cathedral in Ireland. It was expansive and it was beautiful to the eye, but it was not without noise. In the same way, a visit to a 6,000-year-old stone circle in Ireland was not without noise, it was only a few meters from the road and yet, there was overwhelming silence, in this case, a silence from and for the ages.

So what is or are the sound(s) of silence? Silence in contemplation is that moment at which your very soul becomes quiet, empty of your own ego, and leaves a void then filled by the Presence of another. My first visit to the Abbey of Gethsemani I was overwhelmed (joyously so) by the silence. There was (still is) noise but it was silent, devoid of the need for me to do or say or even think anything. I have always described that first realization of what silence really is as “thunderous peace”.

Silence is that moment when you know you are not the center of the universe. That moment when you no longer have or need the answers. That moment when words just won’t do. That is silence. In Centering Prayer and most types of meditative practices, people think that silence is the goal, it is not. The goal is to be empty, that place where you are but a part of something so much greater. Even as I write this, I am in silence. Even with the clacking of keys, meditation music softly playing in the background and the morning noises of the house, I am in silence. My soul is empty except for the “thunderous peace” that I have come to know as practicing the presence of God.

That is the sound of silence. That is the place where we all can practice the presence of One so much greater than ourselves. For far too long I did not get it. I did not understand, until that first time at the Abbey and now each time I go back. Even in the middle of the whirlwind that is a our life each day, there is a silent place we can go.

One of my favorite hymns, perhaps my favorite is “It is well with my soul”. Horatio Spafford was a lawyer and businessman who wrote the hymn after horrible loss and tragedy in his life. It begins with “when peace like a river attendeth my way…” and that, dear ones is the silence we are seeking. That is the peace that passes all understanding. That is the silence and the “still small voice” in the middle of the whirlwind that we are all listening for. We only need to let go of our egos and enter the silence.

TMM

John Lennon wrote a song by this title. When it came out, many Christians saw it as very cynical and so it was, to a point. The song says “so this is Christmas and what have you done”? Is this cynical or honest? What have you done? Is the world a better place because you are in it? Maybe John was right, what have we done?

Advent begins the new year in the Christian calendar, a chance to get it right this time. Is that not what birth is, a brand new beginning? Do we not celebrate the birth of a child who changed the world? In the world before Jesus, in the pagan world, this celebration has been done for hundreds of years. The “country people” (that is the meaning of pagan) lived in a world that followed the clock of creation, the four seasons. Yule is the name for this holiday.

In the pagan world, Yule was celebrated, in part with a yule log and the point of this celebration has always been that at the very darkest time in the calendar, there is still a spark of light. The evergreen tree (Christmas tree) represents life as ongoing, not overcome by the darkness. Why do you think we put lights on the tree and on our houses? Because for Christians this day marks the birth of the “light of the world”.

This is a time of joy, of hope, of celebration and of showing mercy and love to everyone. So let’s go back to John’s song. I see the song as hopeful, hopeful that we can express the love and mercy we have been shown by the Light of the World, all year long. Read the lyrics of the song and you will discover that whatever John Lennon believed, he knew what Christmas is about. If we really did this all year long, not just Christmas, there would be no war, no prejudice, and no hatred.

So on this most joyous of days, as we celebrate and as we look with love on our friends and family, we need to remember that we are the lights of the world. Scripture says that if we love, we are of God and we become the picture of God’s presence on earth. Let’s try to be that spark of light, love, and hope for every person we meet. Then we truly understand Christmas and then we can truly answer the question of what we have done.

TMM

In many newspapers adds for various products there is often a disclaimer in very small print that says one item may be substituted for another. This happened recently in renting a car in Ireland. The contract said a Ford Focus (or similar car). When I arrived it was a Toyota Yaris. They are similar in size but not in how they run or are built.

What if we did this as expecting parents, “after the child is born we will send the child or one similar home with you.” No one would take that deal. It is silly to even think of it and yet there is a lesson in this for us all.

Scripture says from the beginning each and every person, each and everything on this Earth are made in God’s image. If that is true should we not respect each other and this Earth and treat all as if it were God. This is the first thing the organized church gets rid of, the idea that we are all in God’s image and the church does this by setting up rules to tell us who is “in” and who is “out”. Who goes to heaven and who does not.

Richard Rohr has a book, “Everything Belongs” and he makes a great point that we are all one creation. We get a choice though, we can choose to be similar to God or not. In God’s image is not a choice but a truth. When we choose to be similar to God, we behave as if we are God’s presence in the world today.

Is this not why Jesus came? Came to show us how we can be similar to God. Is that not the point of all spiritual disciplines? To become similar to Christ? I think it is exactly the point. Now let us consider this world we live in: if you are Black, Hispanic, White, LBGTQ, Male or Female then you are God’s creation and in God’s image. How can we be similar to God if we exclude even one?

This is the origin of discrimination and prejudice. When we cease to see all as God’s creation, then we make the choice of who to exclude. We then use scripture to prove some are to be excluded. What we are really doing is creating boundaries that say which similarity is “okay” and which one is not “okay”. We are dictating what is similar to God and what is not. Christ came to us all to show us what it is really like to choose to be similar to God.

These “statements of faith” or “creeds” simply reinforce the idea that no one is good enough and the image we are to be similar to is absolute perfection, which we, of course, cannot achieve. Perhaps it is time to treat all the world as God’s image and good creation and then to practice similar types of behavior that reflects that we are the Living Image of that very creator.

TMM

Have you ever met someone that is just downright crude and impolite? These sorts of people or these sorts of behavior are greeted with, “Were you raised by wolves?”. It is meant to get that person to behave better. The truth is that wolves run in packs and that is their family of sorts.

Being raised by wolves would really mean that the person knows their place, follows the leader, doesn’t venture outside the pack and doesn’t really challenge authority. Wolves know how to take care of each other and do so. No, what people are really referring to is a lone wolf mentality.

The lone wolf separates from the pack and becomes their own parent and does things their own way. The lone wolf has established its own code of conduct and no longer plays well with others. In a sense, the lone wolf raises itself.

I think that is what we are really hearing when someone says, “Were you raised by wolves?”. We are asking “who raised you?”. Where did that person learn to act that way? Perhaps this is the question we must ask ourselves in our spiritual lives, “who raised us?”.

As a child, I was a “latch-key” kid meaning I got home from school and no one was there so I was responsible for myself. Oh, it was clear as to how I was supposed to behave but it was far lonelier than my parents, especially my mother ever knew. When you are a child you shouldn’t have to be so grown up. In many ways, you are raising yourself, you are a lone wolf.

In the spiritual life, many of us if not most of us are “lone wolves”. We are trying to raise ourselves spiritually and we search for a long time to find a path that works for us. Now, who is our “parent” supposed to be on this journey? Our true Parent is the Living God, but our foster parent is the Church. Whatever flavor of a church you may have grown up in, the average church does not teach the spiritual disciplines, it does not teach us how to pray and what living the spiritual life is supposed to be.

In essence, we end up raising ourselves or, for so very many, they simply never grow up spiritually. As long as they stay “in the pack” they know who to follow and how to act. But then a day comes when a person gets separated from the pack and they are truly lost. No one to tell them what to think, believe or how to behave. Instead of being nurtured and encouraged to go off (into solitude or the wilderness) on their own in a healthy way, these lone wolves go their own way with little guidance.

Have you raised yourself? Have you been a latch-key Christian that had to figure out the spiritual life on your own? You should know that you really aren’t alone, that the Creator of all has been there with you every moment. Maybe it is time to find a different pack to run with. We have a name, Contemplatives or Mystics. We are around if you want to join us.

TMM

I am sure no one else is like me, a perfectionist. I have no illusions that I am perfect but there will always be that part of me that hears that childhood “you have to be better” phrase and wants no, needs, perfection. If you are like me then you understand how challenging this can be.

I have been a therapist and a teacher for a long time and I have never, ever be demanded perfection from clients or students. At home, my daughter was held to the standard of “if you tell me you have done your best, then that is good enough”. It is the same for my students, I just want the best they can do, the grades take care of themselves at that point.

So, why is it so hard to give myself permission to be imperfect? I don’t ask it of others, I believe grace abounds and that we are loved by God, just the way we are. If you are like me (and trust me some part of you is) then you know that those interior voices, those “tapes” that go off in our heads are hard not to listen to. Our families, life experiences and our culture are those voices. I don’t hear it much anymore but women used to say, “you can never be too rich or too thin”. So, if you are like me and not rich and certainly not thin, how do we measure up to the standards of society.

The answer is, we do not have to live up to those standards. We do not have to live up to our perceptions of what our parents wanted us to be and we do not have to live up to the expectations of others in our lives. I continue to work on turning off the “tapes” and remembering that I am fine just as I am. The key is humility, to understand who we are and whose we are. If I acknowledge my gifts and my shortcomings and that I have been endowed with those gifts by the Creator, then I can let go of being perfect. Instead, I can let go of perfectionism and open the door t satisfaction with a job done to the best of my abilities.

This is not easy. If it was, I would have been happier many years ago. But, it can happen for me and for you. Scripture says that God delights in us. It does not say we have to earn that delight, it comes for us as we are. So, let’s let go of have to and should and rest in whatever it is we have done, it is good enough.

TMM