Author: phil.farmer@gmail.com

I spend time in an Abbey and I have visited cathedrals and churches across the world. Of course, the cross is everywhere. Well, not in the Hindu temple, the synagogue, or the mosque, but you get the idea. All of my life I have heard how the cross was and is the answer to our sins. That it is an implement of death.  I get that, but what if that is not quite accurate?

Here is what I mean and please, leave the heretic part out until you think about this. We have been told in church that blood had to be shed to forgive our sins. But the Psalms are clear, that is not what  God wants from us. It did not work for the Israelites did it? They made sacrifices, a lot of them, and still Jesus had to come and show a “more excellent way”.  I know the old hymn, “There is a Fountain Filled with Blood”. I have always hated it because it is not good theology. It is old theology that did not work for the Jews and does not work for us.

What if the point of the Cross was and is to remind us that a Son of God chose to ignore his own ego, his own desires, his own fears and let the authorities take his life. What if the point of the Cross was to show us all that death is not the last word, but love. You see, we are all the children of the Eternal, we all are Beloved. If we are all Beloved, then we will all be resurrected. The Cross is not the end, it is the beginning. Until we understand that we start with the Cross, we will never understand hope.

Christ in you, the hope of Glory. That is the New Testament. That is hope, that we will all be resurrected. The Cross is not about nailing our sins to “the tree”. No, it is about knowing that in spite of what we think of ourselves, what we think we deserve, the Eternal God says no, not even a cross will stop My love for you. It is not the sacrifice we should meditate on, it is the act of pure, selfless Love.

When  I survey the wondrous cross. That begins another old hymn and that is a good thought. Why do we wear a cross (yes I do)? My daughter thinks of it as an implement of torture and I get that. I have come to realize it is the emblem of Hope. I wear it because I want to be reminded that nothing can hold me back from God’s Eternal love!

TMM

Have you ever had the last word? I get to do that a lot because I am a college professor and my last word usually ends class. But, other than the classroom, I am not so sure having the last word is really a good thing. In fact, it is a bad habit that I don’t mean anything by, it is just a habit. My mind runs so fast sometimes that I end up putting ideas together in a staccato fashion that I am sure wears people out.

Children, teenagers most specifically, just have to have the last word. For little ones it is usually no, for teens it is usually intended to be rude, defensive, or insulting. You see, when we have to have the last word, it is our own hurt, anger and poor self-esteem that is doing the talking. Teenagers want to be grown up and when they are confronted with their feelings and know they aren’t grown up, they lash out. So do I and I think you do too. We have to be right, we have to be first, we have to win.

Have you ever noticed how the Gospel of John begins? “In the beginning was the Word…..”. Now, isn’t that interesting, the Living God is the first word. With humankind, God is the first word, not the last. Jesus was the first word, not the last. I wonder what our world would be like if we tried harder to have the first word?  And what would or should that word be? Hmmm, how about “love”. Notice I did not use a question mark, but a period. It makes it open ended as either a choice or a description or a conclusion.

A world where the first word is either spoken or acted out and that first word is love. Christ is the logos, the word and the first word at that. In Genesis, it says that the Eternal spoke the world into existence. Do you realize that you can “speak” another person into existence? By speaking with your life or with a good word of love, you can “speak” others around you into a new life, olne they may never have imagined. Jesus said he was the way to the Eternal, but it means that we have to do it His way. The way of being the first word and that being Love.

We have made the world more difficult than it has to be. The way to the Eternal is already open to all. We must have the first word and it must be love. I love you Eternal One. You love me. Oh, and for those who want to say that Jesus was the “Alpha and Omega”, I will not disagree. I will point out that if he is the logos, then the last word is the first word……Love. If we truly believe, then when we have the last word it will be love. Now, wouldn’t that fix most of those self-esteem issues we have? Wouldn’t that resolve all of those have toos?

TMM

It was a long time ago, but I was once a little boy. I was cute, blond headed, and innocent. I was without care, just loved to run and play and read. Did I mention I was without care? That is what I see when I look at a grandson playing in the living room. At 7 months, he is standing, crawling, getting into everything. And, without care. Just living life as it comes each day.

I long for those days. I wish I knew less about a very difficult world. In the past week to ten days, more African Americans have died at the hands of police and more police died at the hands of a sniper. No, this is not a political or social commentary, that is reserved for my college classes. No, this is about little boys. You see, the people who did these “bad” things were little boys once. Like my grandson, the were without care and just loved to play.

What changed all of that? For each of us it comes down to the family we grow up in and the things that life sends our way. I believe that the Christian life calls us to come, “as little children”, to view life anew. To paraphrase Enzo Bianchi, to be a contemplative is to seek and see the Eternal everywhere. To be “an expert at finding God”. When we grow up, it becomes a choice, to see like a child.

I wish I could unsee and unhear so many things. Listening to the hurts and pains of people for the last 39 years has not made it easy to do so. I am a healer of sorts and to do that, I have to let others tell it all, without judgement of the story. And, I have seen the worst poverty in India, South Africa, Texas and seen the worst that we can do to each other, murder, rape, hatred. It has taken a toll, but it has also helped me to come full circle.

I cannot unsee or unhear. But that fuels my choice to return to innocence. Christ said “suffer the little children to come to me”. I choose to be that little boy, to come back to him as a child, trusting that He knows best. The hurt of my life is safe with Him. Love can heal much and if you look for it, you can find that healing and love in the midst of pain.

In the face of deep poverty in India, I met some of the most innocent and caring people ever. They welcomed me into their homes, offered me food from their meager supply. In the faces of some clients, I have seen that moment of relief and insight that told me they would make it. In each of these moments, it was childlike, it was innocent. And that is what we are called to, to come home to Abba, to Daddy (or Mommy) and just sit and be……innocent and care free again.

I believe that is heaven.

 

TMM

I really hate politics. Even though I teach social policy and have to stay up to date on the current issues, it wears on me to sort through the lies, half truths and semi truths that go on during every political season. But, I am also a veteran of working in large agencies and small ones and the politics are there as well. And, I am guessing you understand where I am coming from, that you have worked in those places where politics are the name of the game.

Sadly, church is the same way and why so many Millenials have left the church or want more. I know a fine minister who had to tell a young teenager they could not go on a mission trip overseas. The child has significant drug issues and it just was not worth the risk. Instead of the parents saying okay, we get it, we will help our child understand this and find ways for our child to serve the church and Christ here at home, the parents (true enablers that they are) have tried to vilify the minister and have actively engaged in the same sorts of acts that our current GOP candidate has used to get his way. Demonize the person, spread mistrust and fear and threaten to “take their money elsewhere”.

Now why would God’s people act this way? I believe it is because they view their life in the church exactly the same way they view their life in society and that both are governed by the same rules. These affluent parents have such a sense of entitlement that they assume the same is true at church. And, frankly, as a mental health expert, I can tell you they are the reason a young teenager has addiction problems. They will not say no. And, church to this type of person is one more thing to check off of the to do list of daily life.

I pray you reading this know that this is not what we are called to, in any community.  It cannot be about us, it must be about the greater good. The current state of affairs in our country says that I got mine, you go get yours. We are not our brother’s keeper (or sister). And, now we see it played out every day in church. Christ calls us to the greater good. Take up your cross is not a phrase, it is a way of life for Christians. But what does that mean? Take up your cross?

It means I must die every day. No, not literally but die to what I think is best, to what I want out of life. This is what it means to remember your baptism: buried with Christ, raised to walk in newness of life. So, take up your Cross is to live each day in belief of those baptismal waters and in the hope of the resurrection. If I die, I will be raised. It is a process of resurrection, not a final event.

I wish these parents would learn that they are not doing their child a favor. I pray they will find that the word “no” is important to children. God says it to us quite often. We pray and pray for something and get one of three answers: no, yes, and not now. May we all love hearing no from the Eternal, as painful as that is, because it means the Eternal cares enough about us to tell us no.

 

TMM

I have a friend named Luke. I have known Luke for the last thirteen years. We met through the internet, when he answered an email from me. My mother had just died and I had done her memorial service in her home town, at the cemetery.  Luke responded to my email with such peace and caring that I felt totally comforted. So, for the last 13 years, Luke and I have chatted, two or three times per year, most often through email. Always, I receive a blessing. Always, the chats are full of laughter, or peace or joy.

I know what you are thinking, if this guy is such a good friend, how come you only talk two or three times per year? Did I mention that my Brother Luke is the Choirmaster of the Abbey where I am sitting this minute writing this? He is a Cistercian monk who has been at this place for 43 years. He wears a robe most days and plays the organ, sings and leads the monks in their daily worship. And, he is funny, deep and filled with joy. And, I think he would be a bit embarrassed to know I am writing this about him.

The monks are committed to a way of life where everything is about prayer. They work, this Abbey is 168 years old and occupies about 2,500 acres. You can imagine the upkeep of the buildings and grounds and that everyone has a role. This place has often been called a “school of love” and so it is. I have been loved by my brother, Luke, from the very first moment he answered my email from here at the Abbey.

I got to chat with Luke just yesterday. When I asked him how he was, he smiled and explained that at 66 years of age, it was all “golden”. That the light was softer but golden. He reminded me that very little matters in this life but love.  He also reminded me that in the next room from his office, sits the coffin every monk will lie in while his brother monks keep vigil over him. We are all going there and that too is glorious. In that moment, we will finally know that we never needed the answers, that it was always about love and that the Eternal created us to do just that, to love.

Luke brings me back to what matters. This Abbey brings me back to what matters. I am. That is all, just I am. I do not have to do or be anything else and Luke and God will love me just the same. I suspect my lovely wife will too. Isn’t that enough? To know that we are the beloved of God? Does that sound arrogant to you? It shouldn’t, Christ said we are joint heirs with Him. He was the son of God, so am I, and if you are reading this, so are you….son or daughter…….you are Beloved of God. Bask in it, see the golden soft light of love. You don’t need anything else.  

Thanks for the reminder Brother Luke……I will indeed trudge on toward the Light.

 

TMM

That word, “prayer”, seems to bring both comfort and terror to people. Terror, because people are afraid of who they might be talking to, afraid of doing it wrong, afraid there is no one to pray to. Comfort because for many, it is having a talk with a Beloved friend, a chance to be heard, or a chance to come clean about what is on a person’s heart.

As I write this, it is 4:45 am and I am at the Abbey of Gethsemani. It is quiet (joyously so), dark and comforting. It is a place of thunderous peace. It is a place where the monks pray for the world. It is a place where life is lived out as a prayer. Whether they are singing the Psalms (beginning at 3:15 am) or making fudge, or fruitcake, or washing dishes or well any act of the day, it is all meant to be prayer.

I guess most people pray out of great need. A sick loved one, a lost job, preparing for death, or out of a sense of duty. All of those are legitimate reasons to pray and yet none of those really fit what prayer should be, a chat with a beloved friend. My wife hates the song, “just a little talk with Jesus” and I tend to agree with her, that song represents cheap prayer. Just tell Jesus and that makes everything alright? Uh, no. While forgiveness and grace are most assuredly found in a “talk” with Jesus, that does not fix things.

My daughter was maybe 8 years old when she apologized for something saying, “I’m sorry”. She had a very expectant look on her face. That look disappeared when I explained that I knew she was very sorry and that I appreciated that but that being sorry did not repair things, it is only the door through which one enters to start the repairs. So, my wife is right I think, a little “talk with Jesus” is bad theology because it is only the opening of a door and few will actually step in and make amends, try to fix it or at least acknowledge their part in whatever has happened.

And yet, “a little talk” with the Creator of the Universe is exactly what we are invited to do. Isn’t that amazing? The Creator, the Sacred, wants nothing more than to spend time with us individually. Just me? Really? But I am not worthy. To that the Eternal says every one of my creations is worthy of my time. The Eternal longs, yes aches to spend time with me. Clearly, the Eternal doesn’t really know what kind of person I am.

Oh yes, the Creator knows exactly what I am. What I am capable of and every failing I have (a rather long list by the way). AND IT DOESN’T MATTER! This last is capitalized for my own benefit. I grew up being taught I am not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough. The Eternal doesn’t care. I want to be the best, the smartest, the wisest. The Eternal doesn’t care. Love is all that matters to the Eternal. Love of others, love of God, and love of self. It is that last one that most of us cannot do.  If you only knew, Sacred One, you would not love me anymore. To that, the response is always, My Grace is enough for you. And so it is!

 

TMM

I don’t like being obedient. I am just being honest, I don’t enjoy giving up control. I suspect if you are reading this, you just might not like it either. We all hate to be out of control, to not be masters of our own fate, captains of our own ships. Our country just doesn’t work that way. We love rugged individualism, getting our own way and being successful on our own.

This costs us all a great deal. We no longer have a sense of community or a sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves. We have lost our sense of hospitality, humility and than thankfulness. That is the price of individualism. While the Gen X, Y, and Millenials are all volunteering more, it is not necessarily out of a sense of humility or even giving freely. It is most often one more activity to cross of the list of good things to do.

In his book Strangers to the City, Fr. Michael Casey discusses the rule of Benedict and one of the hardest things in the rule is to learn obedience and submission to another. Benedict meant for there to be mutual submission and obedience, not just to the Abbot, but to each other. This requires great humility and a strong sense of community. In Japanese martial arts, practice is best when it is “jitakyoei”. This means mutual benefit and mutual prosperity. That is how it is supposed to work. As a martial arts instructor and college professor, I learn as much from my students as they do from me. That is what Benedict calls us all to, that the spiritual community comes before our own needs and ego.

I have been in a lot of communities and the most disruptive issue that comes up over and over again is the individual who will not submit to the group. In Presbyterian life, (Reformed church in general) polity is foremost. The community comes first. I believe that is how Christ meant it to be, how God wants us to be. I have seen, in community, when the will of one person and their need to be in control and correct has hurt several and totally disrupted the community. This is when correction becomes necessary and because we do not enjoy conflict, we avoid telling the person what they must hear.

Benedict is clear, if we don’t love our brothers and sisters enough to offer correction when they are in error, we really don’t love them and really don’t understand being obedient to one another. We simply don’t trust ourselves, God, or our brothers and sisters. We cannot, must not have it our own way. In a good relationship, submission is mutual. In the New Testament, submission is not a verb, there is no verb there in the  Greek. It is simply a state of being, of mutual respect and love.

What would our community, spiritual or otherwise, look like if we returned to a belief that we are our brother’s keeper? I am not sure of the answer, but I am sure that this is the community I would love to live in. No more poverty, no more abuse, no more “rugged individualism”. Instead, we love one another as commanded, we include all, and we are obedient to each other for the sake of all.

 

TMM

I really hate that show. I mean it, I really hate bully’s and that is exactly what Trump does on that show, he bully’s people and what is worse, those people choose to let him do it. That is willing slavery. That is one view of the Master/Apprentice relationship. Trump would have been a good slave owner and his campaign shows it.

Sadly, we do the same thing in our spiritual life. I have heard so many sermons and been to so many churches where the point of each sermon is how sinful we are, how lost we are, how badly we need to follow the rules, enslave ourselves to the Master. That is the legalistic view of our relationship with God. We are his slaves. I’m sorry, I have no use for a life of that sort of slavery.

Instead, it dawned on me that there is another version of Master/Apprentice. That is the traditional view, one Christ would have known, where a new student attaches themselves to a master tradesman in order to learn the trade. I love this version. To sit at the feet of a true master has been my honor in martial arts. It is a joy to learn that way, to let the Master guide your hands and your thoughts and your actions until you achieve mastery.

This is what we are called to do as Christians. We are called to be Apprentices to the Master. And what is the craft we are learning? It is the craft of Love. Love for self, neighbor, and God. So, this is a love affair with learning. Doesn’t that feel better, to know that we are students, not slaves? And, don’t forget that the goal of being an apprentice is to become a master yourself. How are you doing? Are you learning your craft? Will you become a master? I’m gonna keep trying, how about you?

TMM

 

I am a law-abiding citizen. Well, most of the time. I do drive too fast once in a while. Society needs laws and rules that organize and control behavior. Without them, of course there is anarchy…..survival of the fittest. Sadly, that also describes the economic view of this country, free enterprise works for those who have money and opportunity. Our society works on an idea of getting more is always better. And the laws? Well, many obey when convenient but get upset when the laws don’t work to their advantage.

So what about religious laws? Those are okay aren’t they? The answer is no, they are not okay. Jesus came to do away with the law, to fulfill the law. If you read scripture you begin to notice that not only Jesus, but Paul and even the Old Testament describe a world of faith, not law. I grew up in an Evangelical world that taught me that I was a sinner, had to get and stay right with God, and it was dependent upon me being good, doing good and repenting daily.

Enter Brennan Manning. He was a priest, a husband, and a ragamuffin. He wrote great books, led a difficult life (at times) and was forgiven. But, if you want to know the great Abba of the universe, read Brennan’s books! In those books you discover that you only need to accept the forgiveness that is already there, once and for all time. You discover Grace. It is not about laws, it is about Love.

I am a Christian mystic, which means that I am obsessed with the Eternal’s love for me. I cannot explain it, I surely don’t deserve it, and I want it! Richard Rohr writes about the two parts of the spiritual life. In Falling Upward, Rohr says that the second part of the spiritual life is one filled with love, grace, forgiveness and mercy. The things I was taught in the past are restrictive, controlling, and impossible to follow.

In Galatians, Paul talks about taking Peter to task for hanging out with Gentiles and then, when the Jews heard about it, he changed and wanted the Gentiles to follow the laws. Sound familiar? It sounds a lot like many churches these days, do it our way and you will have Heaven. Paul was right, it is grace and love, not law that makes it possible. A quick greek lesson: logos is the Word. Christ was the Logos, or the word. He came to be the word, but more than that, he came to show that it is the intent of the law, not the letter of the law that matters.

Think of the sermon on the Mount. That is the point, you want it to be about the rules, about the letter of the law, but you don’t really want to be that kind of person, who lives a real life. Christ embodied the idea that words (or letters) don’t matter, what does matter is Love, inclusion, acceptance without judgement. That is the law of love. That is part two of spiritual life. Forget the law, throw out the rules and just live. Love all you can, be who you are, be Abba’s child.

TMM